Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Stuff I Like*

*what is this, Positivity Week?

I know I go on a lot about people who Get Up My Nose, but today I'm going to try something different and give you a list of things I like. I'm not sure what has brought this cheery mood on. Perhaps it is because Zest - the food & fashion pullout in the paper - has declared it is "time to rediscover the melon ball." WOAH IT'S A BALL OF MELON

Ally Likes:

Babybankers - Babybankers are people - usually male - who look too young for their suit. They make me really cheerful and slightly maternal, although usually I am about as maternal as insert name of animal which eats its young here. I just want to ruffle their hair and go, "Awww! Look at you! You've got your little suit on! You're going to do a wee presentation!" Awww, babybankers!

Good Bus Drivers - Is amazing how much of a difference a nice bus driver can make. I got on the bus the other day, having hailed it in a slightly over-dramatic fashion (a raise of the finger will usually do it, but I stepped out into the road and waved my arm about because I was in One Of Those Moods) and the bus driver said, "Well hailed!" She wasn't being sarcastic, she actually appreciated my bus hailing skillz. It made my day. (Not so good: the bus driver who does my run sometimes, the one with the eyepatch. This concerns me.)

Good Baristas - Because I am a soulless corporate whore I go to Starbucks (please don't all spit on me at once, but I am that person who trips along in their little skirt suit juggling a handbag and a huge beaker (beaker! beaker! beaker! great word) of extravagant coffee). Anyway, when they were doing their whole Christmas thing they brought out a Dark Cherry Mocha which I adored - after Christmas they took the signs down and I was Sad. And then the girl who makes my coffee casually mentioned that they still had heaps of the cherry syrup left over, if I wanted to quietly drink my way through it. What a good egg. Lady who makes the coffee at the Colombo St Starbucks - you rock.

Commenters and followers! I have 60! Holy shit! (Why?) Thanks, you guys. Comments make my day (except when the comment is funnier than the original blog post and I get miffed); but lurkers are also A-OK, as long as they are voting lurkers, hint hint. Every so often it is suggested that I have a de-lurking post but honestly, if you would rather lurk, I don't mind.

Band - I know it's hugely uncool - what with this and the Starbucks thing I am going to lose any vestigial street cred I may have had - but I love my brass band. I spent 10 months not doing brass band, and when I went back to it there was some initial concern that it was a Huge Hideous Mistake. But then we finished the first concert and got our beer and, as I sat outside smoking and drinking and talking shit with a bunch of 40-year-old men, I realised that actually band is my spiritual home.

Beer - I like beer. Also wine and vodka, but not bourbon. Yeuch. You know who loves bourbon? Satan, that's who.

Okay, and one rant: thousands of dollars being spent on scientific studies which discover nothing that common sense couldn't have told you anyway.
Exhibit A: Study showing that women who drink two glasses of wine a day are found to be more sexually active than women who don't.
Exhibit B: Study that found the biggest source of pollution in Christchurch's Avon River was duck poo, closely followed by dog poo. SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY SHOCKED

***

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow, freeze a jolly good fellow"
And then they kick him in the ice hole.

RIGHT IN THE ICE HOLE TEE HEE HEE

18 comments:

Tarryn said...

HA! Freeze a golly good fellow! I nearly laughed out loud, but had to smother it because then everyone will know that i am procrastinating rather than doing any work. Yes I do habitually snort at my computer screen, what of it?

Also you said vestigial twice... which kind of makes me twitch. I'm not sure why...

How can you not comment when the comment box reads Slap Your Flipperz? You just have to.

IT IS ALLY said...

Have removed second appearance of vestigial...you are right, it was weird. Too Much.

Hahahah Slap Your Flipperz - I forgot about that. Lurkers, you have no excuse!

Tooting Squared said...

**chortle chortle**

Freeze a jolly good fellow!

Ha ha ha!

BookieMonster said...

ZOMG, so I'm totally jealous you have found teh Dark Cherry Mocha Holy Grail. Whilst everyone else was all mad over Christmas because they'd run out of Gingerbread syrup I was secretly all "teehee" because I was Team Cherry.

Darnielle said...

I love bourbon. But that's okay because I'm pretty sure I'm at least the spawn of Satan's spawn's spawn. I cannot ruin the family name by not drinking some bourbon.

Juli Ryan said...

I voted for you. And I know some people aren't that big on the follow for follow thing, but I would really appreciate a follow back (I'm on a quest for more followers). Of course, pretty soon you will have 1,000 followers and a book deal or something, and we'll be able to say we knew you when.

a cat of impossible colour said...

Now that you mention it, I have never seen a dead penguin on any of my several trips to Antarctica (which consist of me opening the fridge door and then standing in front of it going "Brrr! I'm exploring! I wonder where the South Pole is?"). Penguin jokes are the best jokes.

Dark cherry mochas! Those things are amazing. I am jealous of your contraband supply. If I come and see you on Friday do you think she'll let me have some too?

Juli - I still really don't get this lots of followers = book deal theory. It is just so staggeringly unlikely. And if Ally ever does get famous she won't let any of us say 'we knew you when' because she will have better, more famous friends and will turn her back on the peasants she once knew and deny any former relationship. I know my best friend so well.

:)

uglygirl said...

You can ask people to follow you? And here I was just creating multiple google accounts so I could follow myself. (Not really. That would be like masturbating, only without any reward.)

I agree about Babybankers. They definitely look like they stole their suits from Daddy's closet. I work in a hospital and the only people who wear suits are the Consultants (specialist doctors) and by the time you qualify as a consultant you are probably bald and definitely greying.

Once I had an Asian woman bus driver (I'm allowed to say that because I am part Asian and a woman) who drove the bus up onto the sidewalk on a rainy day so the passengers wouldn't get wet walking the 1m from the bus stop to the bus. She did other endearing Asian Auntie-type things too.

donna said...

Why, because you are funny and cute, k?

lol babybankers...

Posie Patchwork said...

Oh, see i was about to go back to see where the second vestigial was as i thought i'd just failed comprehension & had to check!!
I like your blog, i'm a pretty mainstream school mum of 4 & no one speaks like that at school gate, so it's a nice change from reality. Most of us are stay or work from home mummies & don't get to hail buses or buy coffee.
Entertainment - 5 stars!! Love Posie

otherworldlyone said...

Melon balls make me slightly uncomfortable. I have no explanation for this.

Oh, babybankers! And insurance men, drug reps, and consultants. I love it when they comb their hair just so and use words like existential because they assume it helps with the suit look. Adorable.

You left me a comment once and it was great, so I voted for you. Well, technically that's not the reason I voted for you, but it didn't hurt.

Loved the penguin bit.

*uncorked said...

Babybankers. God I love this. This past summer I fell slightly in love with one because he didn't look old enough to have a real job, but he did have on a nice suit, briefcase, and he was wearing yellow flip flops.

Juli Ryan said...

Andrea, the lots of followers = a book deal thing is a joke. (Except in Hollywood.)

SCT said...

Nice post!!!!

Jackie said...

I'm one of your newer followers, and I'll try to be less of a lurker from now on if you'd like. I just rarely have anything to say!

Starbucks, they make a pretty good syrupy concoction (the best kind of coffee) but not a decent cup of black stuff. My only real problem with them is their insane prices.

chris.dadness said...

Zest certainly has its finger on the pulse.

Veronica said...

Hello! I'm a lurker, sort of. Found you through the bloggies and while I can't vote for you (my allegiance lies elsewhere, Frog Ponds Rock is my mothers blog) I think I'll definitely be sticking around to read. So hello from Tassie.

IT IS ALLY said...

Tooting - I know! Right in the ice hole!

BookieM - Ask at your local! You never know. Hahaha, Team Cherry

Darnielle - I would expect nothing less (not an insult)

Juli - Don't believe Andrea. I will thank all my readers individually when I get the Oscar

Andrea - Except you

uglygirl - I'm the Pied Piper, you know what to do. God, I hate that song. I like your bus driver, though.

donna - thank you! Also, I had no idea so many people liked babybankers

Posie - thank you! 4 children. You are a brave lady. Am glad you find it entertaining - this always puzzles me. I tend to agree with my colleague Tamara, who said, "No offense, but I just don't get why people who don't even know you want to hear you ramble on."

ow1 - perhaps you were once molested by a man whose balls smelt of melon

*uncorked - They're quite tempting, aren't they? In the same way as a fancy iceblock is. You know it is a bad idea and will leave you sticky and unfulfilled. But still...

SCT - thank you! It was, wasn't it.

Jackie - hello and welcome! Starbuxxx are ridiculously expensive, but I don't care. I really should care, I am going to be old and homeless because I drank my Nest Egg in caramel macchiatos

Chris - Doesn't it, though! Next week, Coleslaw Returns.

Veronica - hello and welcome! I forgive you for the whole not voting thing. I would probably choose my mother over a perfect stranger as well. Probably.