A young seal, known as a "weaner"
Everyone involved in this wee incident (headline: Train line colour 'racist'). The powers that be in Atlanta, Georgia (man, I am going to have Devil Went Down to Georgia stuck in my head for the next ten years now) renamed their train lines yellow, red, blue, and green. This sounds like a pretty solid system but sadly the yellow line went to a suburb with a high Asian population and it all went downhill from there and now it is being called the 'gold' line. Seriously, people? Do none of you have anything better to do?
Crocs - Like shoes, but for wieners. Particularly awful is when you see a child in Crocs - a child that is too small to have chosen for itself - a child that has been put in Crocs by its parents. Breaks my heart.
Drivers who don't indicate - Seriously. Is it that fucking hard? No! No, it isn't! See also: cars which just cba stopping at pedestrian crossings. Fuck's sake. Wieners.
Nickelback - I know that mentioning the shitness of Nickelback is pretty conservative as far as wiener outing goes, but it still needs to be done. There is a Facebook group called "Can this pickle get more fans that Nickelback?" and I'm pretty sure the answer is going to be Yes. Other bands that suck in the same way: Creed, who prove once and for all that 'Christian Rock' is a whopping great oxymoron, and Pearl Jam who, besides having a fucking wienerish name, cannot be forgiven for the stinking musical turd that is Last Kiss. There is nothing right about that song. And yes, I know it's a cover. That does not make it better. It's like wearing leggings as trousers - you didn't invent it, but you're still a douche. Actually, I think that's worth its own point -
Leggings as trousers (see also: Jeggings (for those of you lucky enough to not know what those are, they're tights patterned to look like jeans, and worn as trousers). I have a feeling that I might have had these in WotW before, but now American Apparel has actually
issued an in-tights warning about how not to wear them i.e. like this:
NO! THEY ARE NOT TROUSERS!
People who air their dirty laundry on the Internet, and use the actual real names of the people they're bitching about. It's bad enough to whinge about your flatmate/marriage breakup anonymously, but to actually use the real name of the other person? Good luck finding a new flat. Or husband. Or, you know, any kind of trust-based relationship. (For those of you who are going to cite my magnificent haiku as an example of this, put it back in your butt: the only people who know who I'm talking about are the people in the haiku.)
TV psychics - I can't believe these people get paid. I can't believe people watch their shows. I can't believe it's not butter. Maybe I'm just bitter than I am not
a magnificent bullshitter a vessel for the spirits of the departed.
John Mayer! Wow! What a week for wienerdom! His recent Playboy interview cemented his status as King of the Wieners for ALL TIME. At the start of the interview he was asked if, if he didn't know himself, would he think he was a douchebag. He said, "It depends." One suspects that answer may have changed.
He started off the tempest of douchebaggery by talking about what it is like to be a black person, even though his expertise in this area is severely limited by not being a black person.
"It's making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that's seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you'll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude's."
In case this didn't clarify why black people love John Mayer, he continued
"I'm very...I'm V-E-R-Y. That's why black people love me."
But sadly, he is never going to be able to love them back, because...
"my dick is kind of like a white supremacist."
And then, to top it off, he said "nigger."
Seriously, John Mayer? What are you doing? Are you trying to work out how ridiculous you have to be before you actually explode?
He did apologise on his Twitter account (where else?), addressing a message to the black women of the world: "Sorry, ladies...I know you're disappointed that you don't get a go." Well. He didn't actually say that, but I'm pretty sure at this point no-one would've been surprised. What he said - in a hangdog, This Is John Mayer Being Sorry fashion - was that he shouldn't have tried to intellectualise 'the N word', and that he should "stop trying to be so raw in interviews." No shit, bucko. Maybe you should just shut up and play music OH NO WAIT THAT SUCKS TOO. Man. Someone call Guinness World Records. We have found the biggest wiener of them all.