Newswieners

So I was reading stuff.co.nz, premier New Zealand news site, this afternoon at work (I work in the media, I'm allowed to do that, sort of) and, after reading some of the main news stories ("The weekend's Mountain Mardi Gras at Ohakune was marred by binge drinking [...] and a man who was so drunk he had defecated in his pants, police say") went to some of the other stories and found douchebaggery and wang jokes.

Celebrity newswiener of the day is Peter Andre, who has declared that joining Facebook is "the most dangerous thing you can ever do." Just ahead of sword-swallowing and fucking a porcupine. At the same time.

Clearly a man who knows danger when he sees it.

Non-celebrity newswiener of the day: Nicolas Steenhout, wiener in a wheelchair. (What? The two aren't mutually exclusive.) He lurks in carparks, confronting people who park in mobility spaces without a permit or a disability, which is fine by me because taking mobility parks is a mean-spirited thing to do and good on him for pulling people up on it. However, today he has strayed off the path of righteousness and into the path of wienerdom - has run to police and the media after confronting a woman and being tipped ingloriously from his wheelchair. Said wheelchair tippage was, however, ENTIRELY his own fault and now he's playing the victim and it is pissing me off.

Here's the story: a woman parked in a disabled spot without a mobility sticker. Mr Steenhout, understandably annoyed, waited until she opened the car door then reached in and grabbed the steering wheel. Rude, but she was in a mobility space so I guess fight rude with rude? Anyway, the woman parking where she oughtn't told him that she was going to back out of the park. That is where the story should end, with the woman backing out of the park feeling ashamed of herself. But it doesn't, because "the woman warned him to let go, before reversing slowly out of the park but Mr Steenhout clung to the wheel before being thrown out of his wheelchair." He believes he has been assaulted and it is awful and we must all be outraged.

Wait, what? Is the man insane? What did he think was going to happen? Oh, yeah, I remember now - extensive media coverage and an interview on Campbell Live. That's what. Sigh. Wiener. I imagine the wheelchair-bound community is this very moment awkwardly shuffling their feet and rolling him gently in someone else's direction.

Headline of the day is the glorious 'Wang creditors accept offer.' On closer inspection it turns out that Wang is a Chinese businesswoman, which makes the phrase "Wang is scheduled to appear in the District Court tomorrow morning" slightly less amusing. Here's what I thought the story was about.

Creditors? I have your compensation package right here.