Saturday, June 12, 2010


Yesterday someone came through to my blog by googling "why are midgets mean?" This puzzles me on a number of levels but mainly because the (alleged) meanness of midgets has got fuck all to do with me. I'm pretty sure that I could only influence midget moods in a small way, har har! by saying something highly insulting to them, thus creating a seething resentment eventually leading to meanness, and I can't remember doing that. Only because I don't know any little people - if I did, I would constantly make off-colour remarks and then, when they became annoyed, say "Don't get short with me!" and fall about laughing. Probably my lack of little friends ("Say hello to my little friend!" I would say when introducing them) is for the best.

Moving swiftly on, this afternoon at the supermarket I became over-excited and purchased this:

An energy drink with bears fighting on the can?* This is going to be so awesome. I am too scared to drink it. Kate said if I have it after having coffee I will die. Kate is just trying to deprive me of the awesomeness of TwoBearsFighting in my digestive system.

I intend to drink the TwoBearsFighting about ten minutes before the monthly advertising department meeting, which takes place at 8.30am on a Monday morning and is, for the most part, largely lacking in interest.

*misinterpreted, this could be "bears fighting on the toilet" which is a good premise for pretty much nothing except some kind of 'does a bear shit in the woods and fight other bears at the same time' question. Well, does it? All the best questions start with 'does a bear.' Does a bear think Justin Bieber is a bit of a douchebag for saying in an interview, "Somebody told me once I was a young Chuck Norris"? Yes. Yes a bear does.

Also a bear strongly suspects that no-one ever said that to the Beebs, he just made it up because that is how he likes to think of himself, but he didn't want to come right out and say it.


Ellie said...

I don't think you need any more energy....

IT IS ALLY said...

That's probably true. But the meeting is very boring. It helps if you think of it as a science experiment. Makes it all legit :D

bluzdude said...

I thought a drink called "Commando" might want to make someone want to go out without their undies.

Bieber is to Norris as Bieber is to Keith Richards.

Elese said...

Bieber is to douchebaggery as Edmonds is to the baking world.

Christina said...

Is that a little Russian flag on the side of the can? Cos if it is, then maybe the bears are slagging each other off in Russian accents whilst fighting: "Your mother, she so ugly, she make Stalin look like sexy underwear model". And now I've made you visualise Stalin in women's underwear. Bwa ha ha ha ha!

Which all adds up to, yes, drink the drink before the meeting! Boring meetings are painful. They're a little more fun after liquid lunches, I have found :)

slommler said...

Now I will be holding my breath and waiting to see how it goes at your meeting. Do the two bears fight in your intestines?? Do you become alert and aggressive? Do you sprout strange body hair? Growl? Have a tremendous desire to hibernate? many options!!

IT IS ALLY said...

Bluz - It may. It may. But I generally don't go commando on Mondays because I'm not bored enough with work at that stage of the week. Thursdays are a good commando day.

Elese - Ahahaha! Awesome. Sure to rise?

Christina - I...I think it's made in Korea? But that's not to say that the bears aren't Russian bears, one more Stalinist than the other.

SueAnn - These meetings already give me a tremendous desire to hibernate! Hahahah

otherworldlyone said...

That's pretty much the most awesome can ever.

Except for a can of whoop ass, but that just goes without saying.

IT IS ALLY said...

ow1 - I'm actually hoping it WILL be a can of whoop-ass. It totally could be.

Nice new picture, btw :)

rüya tabirleri said...

I thought a drink called "Commando" might want to make someone want to go out without their undies.