Just kidding! I hate relationships. I kinda like dating though, mainly from an entertainment point of view - in my mind it's some sort of cross between a beauty pageant and Who Dares Wins*. Dating is also kind of like Pokemon - gotta catch 'em all! Dates. Not antisocial diseases. Don't want to catch any of those.
Don't worry, though - this date has already been brought up to speed on my inherent shallowness via a drunken spiel about blog haiku. Apparently after I fell asleep he was awake for ages trying to think of a decent haiku - isn't that sweet?
Oh yeah. It's possible that my re-entry to the dating scene would be more impressive if the date wasn't with someone I already got drunk and slept with. But I'm pretty sure that's beside the point - dates is dates. Civilized, grown-up events. Civilized, grown-up events where I may get a free drink or even dinner! Or at least a hastily microwaved pie and a warm can of lager.
I'm hoping the already-slept-together bit removes some of the need for awkward small talk though, because I am horrible at small talk. Somewhere along the road of life one of my social filter fuses has blown and sometimes I confuse "So, what do you do?" with "This would be a completely appropriate time to tell the room about the time you made a mustache out of dog hair."
Do you know what else confuses me about dates? Everyone is sober. How are you supposed to get along with someone you don't know well when you're sober? (Outside of a work situation.)
So my plan is to turn up a little pissed and talk about myself a lot. I am awesome at dates. It is amazing that I don't have more of them.
*Marriage is like Monopoly - if you're any good at it you end up with all the money and houses.