Yesterday I went to a four-hour wine tasting. It inspired me to make the following graph of Niceness of Wine over Time:
Hour One: Drift around the room tasting wines that appeal to the eye and/or wines presented by people who appeal to the eye. Mildly befuddled by sheer volume of wine Make desultory chit-chat about varietals, praise wines without saying anything overtly pretentious. Snicker at people talking earnestly about mouthfeel. Make mental note not to purchase any wine because really don't need any. Even though it is very cheap. Realise with slight concern that this is the most responsible I will be all afternoon.
Hour Two: Wine wine wine wine wine. So much wine. Am afloat in a sea of wine and also a sea of people because the converted garage out the side of the wine store is stuffed with people, all of whom are trying to get to the wine. Am repeatedly elbowed aside by over-large women in expensive clothes, all frantically beating a path to the Astrolabe table, and narrowly avoid standing on the bare foot of someone who may or may not have snuck in without paying his $10. One of the wineries is giving out little squares of chocolate with their taste glasses ("It's an interesting way to try the Viognier," they say). Keep returning to this table but they don't seem to mind. Keep forgetting to rinse glass out in between tastes but this is OK as wines are tasting more and more similar.
Hour Three: All the wine is delicious! Have never enjoyed wine so much. Begin recommending wines to other patrons. Talk earnestly about mouthfeel. Run into casual acquaintance and have excellent conversation about wine, specifically mouthfeel. Break off conversation to go to the bathroom and, while in the queue, become distracted and buy two bottles of Shiraz. Don't really like shiraz all that much but it has an emu on the bottle and I remember it having a fantastic mouthfeel and it has an emu on the bottle.
Hour Four: No more wine please! Full of wine. Am a wineskin. Mouth feels like inside of fermenting barrel and stomach feels worse. Why did I buy wine? Hate wine. Horrid horrid wine. Would give anything in the world for a beer, or possibly a Powerade and a little lie-down.
All in all, though, would recommend it. Bext $10 I've spent in a while, not including the womblecoughcough dollars that went on the Bottled Emu.
Tonight the football is on from 2am to 4am. After we won-with-a-draw against Slovakia it seems rude not to tune in and watch us get roughly buggered by the Italians, but it means that I too will be buggered, for work tomorrow. Sigh. Life is tough. Maybe I will open a bottle of the Emu.