Sunday, June 20, 2010

Wine Tasting

Yesterday I went to a four-hour wine tasting. It inspired me to make the following graph of Niceness of Wine over Time:

Hour One: Drift around the room tasting wines that appeal to the eye and/or wines presented by people who appeal to the eye. Mildly befuddled by sheer volume of wine Make desultory chit-chat about varietals, praise wines without saying anything overtly pretentious. Snicker at people talking earnestly about mouthfeel. Make mental note not to purchase any wine because really don't need any. Even though it is very cheap. Realise with slight concern that this is the most responsible I will be all afternoon.

Hour Two: Wine wine wine wine wine. So much wine. Am afloat in a sea of wine and also a sea of people because the converted garage out the side of the wine store is stuffed with people, all of whom are trying to get to the wine. Am repeatedly elbowed aside by over-large women in expensive clothes, all frantically beating a path to the Astrolabe table, and narrowly avoid standing on the bare foot of someone who may or may not have snuck in without paying his $10. One of the wineries is giving out little squares of chocolate with their taste glasses ("It's an interesting way to try the Viognier," they say). Keep returning to this table but they don't seem to mind. Keep forgetting to rinse glass out in between tastes but this is OK as wines are tasting more and more similar.

Hour Three: All the wine is delicious! Have never enjoyed wine so much. Begin recommending wines to other patrons. Talk earnestly about mouthfeel. Run into casual acquaintance and have excellent conversation about wine, specifically mouthfeel. Break off conversation to go to the bathroom and, while in the queue, become distracted and buy two bottles of Shiraz. Don't really like shiraz all that much but it has an emu on the bottle and I remember it having a fantastic mouthfeel and it has an emu on the bottle.

Hour Four: No more wine please! Full of wine. Am a wineskin. Mouth feels like inside of fermenting barrel and stomach feels worse. Why did I buy wine? Hate wine. Horrid horrid wine. Would give anything in the world for a beer, or possibly a Powerade and a little lie-down.

All in all, though, would recommend it. Bext $10 I've spent in a while, not including the womblecoughcough dollars that went on the Bottled Emu.

Tonight the football is on from 2am to 4am. After we won-with-a-draw against Slovakia it seems rude not to tune in and watch us get roughly buggered by the Italians, but it means that I too will be buggered, for work tomorrow. Sigh. Life is tough. Maybe I will open a bottle of the Emu.


cerebral e said...

In Western Australia our shittest beer is called Emu.

a cat of impossible colour said...


slommler said...

Ha! Love the progress of time and your talking about mouthfeel!! I am not much of a wine drinker but I probably would enjoy the winery tour. Just as much as you did!! LOL!!
Enjoy the Emu!!

Juicebox said...

Mouthfeel... oh, that's so wrong.

Salty Miss Jill said...

As a former wine snob myself, I like going to wine tastings and asking the snobs which go best with hot dogs.
But really, Viognier and...chocolate?!? That's odd...

Vanilla said...

Im going to start calling you Bridget.

chris.dadness said...


Creative Larceny said...

While the French have excellent wine, they pass their most awful stuff over to the English-speakers. Seriously. We know no better. Most wine I've ever tasted here makes me want to glass the giver/offender.

In France, though, I quickly begin and continue drinking all wine available which strangely ameliorates my "ou est la gare" French to tackle metaphysics with what certainly feels like finesse and truth.

Wine tasting sounds like a good idea, though. Inebriation plus strangers always seems like a good idea. Thanks for the idea.

Anonymous said...

'Womble' is a fantastic inaudible grumble word! I shall endeavour to use it more often!


otherworldlyone said...

I've always wanted to try a wine tasting, but haven't had an opportunity yet. Definitely need to look into that.

I'd not sure what all this mouthfeel business is about, but I like the word anyway.

Bronnie said...

hah I totally agree on this! even just drinking wine at home, it can turn on you so quickly!

IT IS ALLY said...

cE - To be fair, the wine isn't that good.


SueAnn - Wine tours are fun! Did you know they do bicycle wine tours? I bet a lot of those end with wobbly cycling.

Juicebox - Yeah, baby. Gotta get that mouthfeel.

SMJill - Yeah, it was odd. I was pretty ready for chocolate at that point though, and I think they were just trying to find a nice gimmick.

Vanilla - Because I am so poised in every situation, I take it?

Chris - I KNOOOOOW. Still not a great name though.

Larceny - It's a perfect combination, wine and strangers. 80 different types of wine for $10. How can you go wrong?

Claire - I hope you enjoy using it!

ow1 - secret: no-one knows what the mouthfeel business is. Just say "lingering mouthfeel" (tee hee) every so often and you'll be right.

Bronnie - Yes! From fine to floored in forty finutes.