No! Not me!
Anyway, the Christchurch Testicle - sounds newspapery, doesn't it - tagline: "It's In the Sack" - will be a weekly tabloid newspaper featuring the seamier side of the city. Features will include a fetish column written by my boss, who told an entertaining story at work drinks about working for some men's magazine or other, going to a VIP party and waking up in latex and a cage, an image which now keeps springing unbidden into my head during meetings. ("What are you smirking about?" "The... the quarterly figures are funny.")
Next Wednesday in the Testicle: Is The 69 Worth It? (No.)
Basically what I am trying to say is that I should not make newspapers.
Also, this is off-topic but it appears Australia has its own Justin Bieber now in the form of Cody Simpson, 14-year-old popster (poplet? popperoo?) who has released a single which is called (let me get this right) iYiYi! and features Flo Rida, who should be
Australia, what are you doing? You didn't need your own Justin Bieber! Now everyone will get one, and the world will be flooded with big-fringed, hoodie-wearing preteens and it will be like emo all over again except with shinier hair and more wholesome songs. iYiYi!
Oh Australia. I would tell you to put Cody Simpson back wherever you found him but it's too late now. Everything is ruined forever.