Vampire Hospital

Andrea and I went to see Twilight: Eclipse (which should be called Twilight: A Little Less Conversation because there was so much blah blah and not enough fighting) and we were chatting beforehand about TV shows becoming stale, and how they could be livened up. With vampires.

Grey's Anatomy, for instance. The only place that show can go from here is if Avery turns out to be a vampire.

Which I would totally be ok with.

Other shows that would benefit hugely from sudden character vampirism include Desperate Housewives, Top Chef, America's Next Top Vampire and pretty much everything on television but especially Survivor: Whatever Island We're Up To because it would be so much better if that show was actually about surviving, not about out-douchebagging the rest of your team and periodically throwing a coconut at a native or whatever. Bring on Survivor: Vampire Island. (The tribes are split based on blood type.)

Also good would be CSI: Miami, for the puns:

"Now this is a case... I can really sink my teeth into."

FANGS OUT

SUNGLASSES ON


Anyway, after that revelation Andrea and I hit upon the best idea for a TV show that anyone has ever had, ever: Vampire Hospital. It has all the action, romance and heart-touching stories of a regular hospital drama, but all the doctors are VAMPIRES.

The pilot will open with a packed emergency room, someone being whisked off to the operating theatre, a dramatic operation, a flatline, and a doctor coming out of the operating theatre saying, "We did everything we could..." and then behind the doors the doctors remove their masks and fall upon the corpse and tear it apart. Incidentally, the corpse will be played by Nicolas Cage.

Here's the casting:


Seriously. It's going to be the best show EVER.