It has now been long enough since this incident happened that I can tell the story. And I am so glad, because it's an awesome story, albeit a little bit disgusting. So let's travel back in time, to a more innocent age…
Back In Time
One of my colleagues was sick. Let's call her Ailing, because it means 'sick' and sounds sort of like a name, if you are Irish. In the afternoon, before going home, she was telling us about her illness, and I found out a terrible thing.
Ailing: "I was feeling sick all day yesterday. I went and had lunch, and I had about two bites of rice and then I thought, I'm going to vomit."
Me: "Did you vomit!? I mean, you poor thing. That sounds awful."
Ailing: "Yes! I did. I was in the car*, so I got out, and, you know those little triangular things with trees in, in parking lots?"
*the branded work Hyundai which is my favourite
Me: "Yes. Eww!"
Ailing: "I was sick in one of those." Pause. "I was parked right outside [notorious pub] too, and there was all this rice coming out of me, and people were looking…"
Me: "Ewww! Ewww."
Ailing: "But the worst thing was, I though I'd feel better after a vomit - you know how you usually do - but I got back in the car and drove off, and it came back!"
Me: "It came back? Oh no. Oh no."
Ailing: "Yes! I felt it go-" and here she puffed her cheeks out and made a hoiking gesture, you know the one - "and I knew I was going to be sick again."
Me: "What did you do? Where did you end up?"
Ailing: "Well… I didn't have time to pull over."
Me: "Oh no!"
Ailing: "I chundered in the Hyundai."
Me: "In the work Hyundai? You barfed in the work Hyundai?"
Ailing: "Yes! It was awful. I had to go home and clean it."
Me: "I can't believe you- "
Ailing: "That's not the worst thing.
Me: "What's the worst thing?"
Ailing: "You know how when you vomit, it presses on your bladder?"
Me: "…you didn't."
Ailing: "I was incontinent in the Hyundai. I drove round all afternoon with three newspapers shoved under my bum.""
Me: "You… you were... you weed in the Hyundai! I can't believe you weed in the Hyundai. I'm never driving that car again."
And do you know the worst thing? The worst thing was that I had been driving the Hyundai all morning.
Good story eh.