Friday, August 20, 2010


It has now been long enough since this incident happened that I can tell the story. And I am so glad, because it's an awesome story, albeit a little bit disgusting. So let's travel back in time, to a more innocent age…

Back In Time

One of my colleagues was sick. Let's call her Ailing, because it means 'sick' and sounds sort of like a name, if you are Irish. In the afternoon, before going home, she was telling us about her illness, and I found out a terrible thing.

Ailing: "I was feeling sick all day yesterday. I went and had lunch, and I had about two bites of rice and then I thought, I'm going to vomit."
Me: "Did you vomit!? I mean, you poor thing. That sounds awful."
Ailing: "Yes! I did. I was in the car*, so I got out, and, you know those little triangular things with trees in, in parking lots?"
*the branded work Hyundai which is my favourite
Me: "Yes. Eww!"
Ailing: "I was sick in one of those." Pause. "I was parked right outside [notorious pub] too, and there was all this rice coming out of me, and people were looking…"
Me: "Ewww! Ewww."
Ailing: "But the worst thing was, I though I'd feel better after a vomit - you know how you usually do - but I got back in the car and drove off, and it came back!"
Me: "It came back? Oh no. Oh no."
Ailing: "Yes! I felt it go-" and here she puffed her cheeks out and made a hoiking gesture, you know the one - "and I knew I was going to be sick again."
Me: "What did you do? Where did you end up?"
Ailing: "Well… I didn't have time to pull over."
Me: "Oh no!"
Ailing: "I chundered in the Hyundai."
Me: "In the work Hyundai? You barfed in the work Hyundai?"
Ailing: "Yes! It was awful. I had to go home and clean it."
Me: "I can't believe you- "
Ailing: "That's not the worst thing.
Me: "What's the worst thing?"
Ailing: "You know how when you vomit, it presses on your bladder?"
Me: "…you didn't."
Ailing: "I was incontinent in the Hyundai. I drove round all afternoon with three newspapers shoved under my bum.""
Me: "You… you were... you weed in the Hyundai! I can't believe you weed in the Hyundai. I'm never driving that car again."

And do you know the worst thing? The worst thing was that I had been driving the Hyundai all morning.

Good story eh.


Michelle said...

wow. I was going to write a really witty comment, but my witticisms have been superceded by mental images of your workmate driving along, puking and weeing in the work car....


Bronnie Marquardt said...

Hahaha, thanks for the laugh. My worst vomit stories involve Mr 9 and the car. And once when he was a toddler, out of nappies, he had a tummy bug and pooed in his car seat. He was mortified and we drove him trying not to throw up from the smell!

Phil said...


When I was a physio, I had a patient bring her 3 y/o boy in with her. She had been feeding him numerous Cheerios prior to his visit.

During the treatment, while he was in his pushchair, he spontaneously threw up bright red sausagey vomit and did (standard colour) POO on my nice grey wool carpet.

'Ha. ha,' said she. 'Bet that hasn't happened before!'

It cost me $70 to get it professionally cleaned.

ACC does not cover shite & puke, sadly.

No fucken wonder I left the 'profession'

slommler said...

Best story ever!! Ha!!!

Matt79 said...

Great funny post - I like any story which includes the word "chundered"!

Salty Miss Jill said...

Damn, Ailing sounds like a mess.
I don't think I would have told anyone, had I been in her shoes. Just smiled to myself whenever anyone drove that car. ;)

otherworldlyone said...

hahahaha. Yuck.