Thursday, October 28, 2010

In which I am the Bear

Today was pretty lame. Lamer than a three-legged donkey, or an over-used animal metaphor. Not only am I back in Chch and back at work, but I appear to have completely buggered my lovely little laptop, which languishes, lacking likable- actually, you know what? I'm not even in the mood for gratuitous alliteration. The touchpad stopped working and I tried to fix it myself and the laptop was all like, "Whoa! Don't touch me there" and I was like "I have been seeing you for a YEAR I'm pretty sure I'm ALLOWED" and, long story short, we will be going to the relationship counsellor computer store tomorrow. You know the best thing? The best thing is that I'm pretty sure the warranty expired about a week ago.

And you know what else? Sometime in the depths of last night, I developed a wart on my knee, and that's just awesome because now no-one will ever love me. We all know that people who have a little wart on their knee are to be SHUNNED and probably I shouldn't have told you but oh come on, you've all heard worse a problem shared is a problem halved, except when it's a wart. I'm pretty sure we all learnt that lesson early on in primary school. I have never had a wart before, anywhere, and now I have one on my knee. Great! This rules! I'm Wartacular!

Mum says I shouldn't blog about the wart because "a wart isn't something to be proud of, Ally," and "no-one will be impressed," but I'm pretty sure she's just jealous that she doesn't have one. If anyone wants to buy my wart - I hear that is how you get rid of them (apart from, you know, modern medicine), you get someone to buy them and then they go away - please, be my guest. Bidding opens at $5 but there are no guarantees, this is not the Warehouse, if you end up without any warts of your own it is not my fault.

In summary, posts may be sporadic until Lapi - for that is the highly imaginative name I have given my godforsaken laptop - is back in action; please continue to love me despite the you-know-wha(r)t.

Also in summary:


Anonymous said...

My laptop = totally girlier than yours. All pink (even the keys and touchpad and such) with butterfly stickers on it. Fuck yeah.

Warts. I had a veruca on my foot when I was a kid, but nothing since. Good luck with that!

Also, if your warranty is only a week out they should still fix it.

Juli said...

Sorry about your laptop. Stupid warranties.

Phil said...

You could auction your wart on TradeMe for a Cheriddy - like um, Wart Awareness Week

slommler said...

I don't know if I should even talk to you. I don't want to catch it. It may end up on my nose. Yes would give me a spectacular costume for Halloween but then I would be stuck with it all year!
So good luck with your wart! Hope it fades away and don't share..!

Kristine said...

Booooooo. That sucks. I hope you feel less bear-like soon.

AnaDrea said...

I had a wart on my thumb once. I made a good friend really angry when I showed it to him and accidentally waved it in his face. He was convinced it had made the leap and he would become a wartface. I'm really not a jerk.

Also, totally not kidding, the captcha for this comment is "wartb"!

Michelle said...

ha ha, you have herpes on your knee!

Somebody, get that bear a guitar and quick!

Michelle said...

no wait! google has shown me up for my terrible knowledge of STIs.

You have Human Papillomavirus on your knee!

Hmm, doesn't have quite the same ring..

chris.dadness said...

Have you tried rubbing the wart on the trackpad?

Also - (inspired by a typing mistake I just made) maybe think of the wart as a new kind of art. W·art. All the cool kids go to w·art school. You are pushing the boundaries and the squares just don't get it it. But you have a great chance of getting a grant.

IT IS ALLY said...

Breaking news: The Wart is not a bad thing. It is a sign that I am marked for greatness. It is the Wart of Destiny!

Raquel - Oh dear. Any laptop respect I may have had for you = gone.

Juli - That's ok! You didn't break it. I HOPE.

Phil - Yeah! WAW. Good idea. People would totally bid.

SueAnn - I'll try not to give you warts through the Internet!

Kristine - thank you! I hope to continue feeling bearlike, but in a good way. Powerful and hungry for salmon.

AnaDrea - Haha, wartface! I actually have no idea how they spread and, therefore, no idea who to blame.

Michelle - Bear Guitar! is unhappy with your herpes slur :( haha

Chris - No! But I will! Perhaps the wart is MAGICAL. hehe w-art

Jackie said...

I have a wart as well, but it is on my big toe. I'm hoping it will fall off soon. Will you give me a bear hug?

Oh, and my word verification thing to post this comment is "worit" Coincidence, I think not!

IT IS ALLY said...

Jackie - Yay, wart friend! Rejoice, for we are the Chosen Ones. Of course I will give you bear hug.

Man, the word verifications are just wartacular today. How do they know?

Phil said...

Thought of this inthe early hours of the morning - (god knows why)..
Ally saves ChCh by starting the annual Wearable Wart Awards!