Hello everyone! Apologies for the sporadic* blogging. I have reasons though! Sadly not exciting or sexy or dramatic reasons, just regular old "didn't wake up til lunchtime then fell asleep on the couch half an hour later" reasons. I am totes G-L-A-M-O-U-R-O-U-S. (Even when I am in my pyjamas I am still more glamorouser than Fergie.)
REASON ONE: Someone** used up all of our monthly internet watching back episodes of Coronation St online, and it is now intensely time-consuming and frustrating trying to do anything more than check email and Twitter. Blogging is bothersome, searching is tiresome and porn is right out.
REASON TWO: Plants vs Zombies. Fuuuuuuck. This is a stupidly addictive game where you are a gardener facing a zombie invasion or something equally plausible*** (there was going to be an explanatory screenshot here but then I remembered that by the time I manage to upload a picture I will have grown a handsome beard) but the premise ceases to matter in the first three minutes because this game is a motherfucker. You buy pea plants - with sun from the sunflowers you're growing - and then you fire the peas at the advancing undead hordes, being careful to keep your sunflower production up, and then you unlock a new type of plant which fires three peas at once and holy shit, how did it get to be 5am?
I can't stop playing it and soon someone is going to have to stage an intervention before I start waking up with the night terrors because dream me has forgotten to plant enough sunflowers and there are zombies EVERYWHERE.
Note on zombies: it bothers me that the singular of 'zombies' is 'zombie' and not 'zomby.' Cavy, cavies. Baby, babies. Zomby, zombies. ZOMBY BABIE. Good band name.
THERE ONCE WAS A WOMAN FROM VENUS
WHOSE BODY WAS SHAPED LIKE A-
Plants vs Zombies has finished loading now so I guess I will see you guys in a couple of days.
*when I had a job doing the Classified ads for the paper there was one real estate agent who loved describing properties as having 'sporadic trees,' which would've been a weird enough selling point ("Honey, I love the house, but the trees... they're so relentless! Can we find somewhere where the vegetation is more... sporadic?") without his firm belief that the word was not, in fact, 'sporadic' but 'spapodic.' He refused to be moved on this and would spell it out down the phone. I imagine he only sold houses spapodically.
** it was me. I try not to eat all the internet at once but what was I meant to do, miss Fiz's wedding?! (Ever since flatmate retuned our TV to get better reception on 3, we no longer get 1. We also don't get better reception on 3 but no-one knows how to fix it.)
**GROW PEAS FOR THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE and also sunflowers otherwise you won't be able to buy any more pea plants when your first ones go down in the pogo zombie wave.