Saturday, March 12, 2011

A Luscious Sweet Accompaniment*

*someone just said this on whatever cooking show is on in the background. "My mum used to make this when we were kiddles... right Kate, let's make a chowder! Nut brown butter!" Who is this chump? Why are there so many chumps on the television? CHUMP TV.

I was going to write a post about how people keep asking me for love life advice* despite the fact that my love life is best described as 'strikingly disorganised' but then I got distracted by the internet, specifically the 'type bears into Google Image Search' part of the internet, and now I can't remember how the rest of the post was going to go.

"Hoverbear," 9.30 Tuesdays on CHUMP TV

So I decided instead to take a photo of the huge tomato we grew (it is at least a C cup) but while I was looking for the cord that connects the camera to the laptop I found a couple of old notebooks.

Things that at the time seemed like nuggets of purest golden genius now seem like ripsnorting insanity, like the plan I had to revive the health system by videotaping operations and allowing patients/friends of patients to buy the tape afterwards.

The notebooks appear to be evenly split between philosophical thoughts ('what if birds exploded,**'), band names ('Fuck the Chutney'), things that no longer make any sense ('Secret Secret Pig') and notes to self ('new rule: NO reporters.')

god damn it bear we had a RULE about this.

I don't know why there are so many band names when I don't have a band.

I also don't know why I wrote 'BatChap' three times in the same notebook. I think I may have been trying to rename Batman.

I wonder if anyone would actually make Hoverbear? I would totally watch it.

*some classic love life advice from me: "Write I Love You on your bum and moon him at the office." I know, right? Pretty fucking romantic.

**well, what if they did? Other thoughts in this vein included 'what if I was magnetic' and 'imagine if you were stuck somewhere and the only way you could be rescued was by farting SOS in Morse Code.' Yes. Imagine.


Yandie, Goddess of Pickles. said...

Fuck the Chutney sounds like it could be a refrain from an early System of a Down tune.

sophie rosalind said...

ha x

bluzdude said...

Who is Chutney? Is she hot?

Emily Veinglory: said...

Hovertiger... hoverwombat. Invisible secret hoverpig... You may be onto something here.

tennysoneehemingway said...

I'm trying to think of a legitimate place you'd be stuck where the ONLY way out was farting SOS and the only thing I can think of is a public toilet. And even then I'm not sure it would be necessary.

bekkitae said...

I would love to start a heavy metal or death metal band and call it "The Banjo & Washboard Band". We would be invited to folk festivals and be TOTALLY out of place. Or to metal festivals and no one would visit our stage.

Unfortunately, I have no musical talent and will have to come up with a NEW plan to mind-fuck on a mass scale.