Arse-Napkins and Lemurs*

*this is a fantastic title.

I was reading this post yesterday and learned a startling thing! Did you know that in some churches in the States they have little napkins that they drape over your bum when you kneel at the altar? So God doesn't have to see your crack?

(I assume that is why, and it makes sense. Would you want to look down at your house (on Google Street View) and see rank upon rank of bum cleavage and hiked-up g-strings in your backyard? No? Well, neither would God.)

I think this is fantastic! It could only be bettered if the arsenapkins were distributed by lemurs which, in my head, they totally are.

My child, are you ready to receive the b- ahh! Lemur! Arse napkin, stat*!

Luckily the arse napkin lemur was poised for action.

Went to the supermarket earlier to stock up on beer & Le Snaks (in case of another earthquake - we have water and a radio and other essential but unexciting items, but somehow it is only ever me who thinks to bring the beer and snacks) - and on my way home walked past two small girls pushing scooters at each other at high speed, waving sticks, and yelling "PIÑAAAAATAAAA" as some sort of arcane battle cry. Fantastic.

When I was little, the closest my sister and I got to a battle cry was when we played the imaginatively named 'The Horse Game,' in which we galloped up and down the driveway on horses, whooping as we went. The horses were, of course, imaginary.

We had many, many horse races, and because I was older I tended to win. This made my sister bitter and jealous and prone to saying things like, "Oh no! Look! Russia has broken her leg." (My horses were named after countries. Russia was a Palomino.)

Somehow The Horse Game always slid downhill from there until the inevitable but tragic "Oh no, your stable burnt down, all your horses are dead."

PALOMIIIINOOOOOOOO

Here are some other good things to read on the Internet today:

• maybe you already know about Party Cat
• but you probably don't know about Doctor Cat
• or this project where the subway has been set to music, it is very soothing to listen to
  
• or my other blog where I wrote about the most ridiculous lyrics in the current Top 40
  

THERE YOU GO
HEAPS OF INTERNET FOR YOU

Also a photo of me because a) some of you are new here and might not know what I look like and I like to know what people look like when I read their blogs, and b) more importantly, someone said to me the other day, "I always imagine you in your onesie" and that's really not how I want people to imagine me all the time.

Fur coat > onesie?

*Why wouldn't a priest say 'stat'?