Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Sleeping Haiku Guest*

*and the Band Napper - this is what my blog is about today but it would also be a good title for a murder mystery novel, one of those avant-garde, prize-winning ones that everyone says they're just about to get around to reading.

Hello everyone!

I really miss blogging all the time (am not kidding) and am going to attempt to update more often (this originally said 'become regular again' but it sounded like I needed some sort of blog laxative), mainly because as well as missing blogging I am so BORED with sleeping.

At the moment any time I'm not at work I'm asleep or asobbing into a bowl of 2-minute-noodless falling asleep. Even when there's something good on the TV I fall asleep! All the time, asleep. I am becoming old.

The other day I was tucked up in bed watching Coronation Street at 2 in the afternoon and I fell asleep, possibly out of shame, and now we may never know if Gail makes it out of her romantic weekend getaway at the secluded and very deep lake! That is how asleep I am falling.

Hopefully in the next couple of months I can go back to working Normal Person Hours rather than Work Eating Life hours but until then we can all suffer together.

Picture unrelated.

I'm also sick, after someone insisted on coming into work last week and sharing their rotten cold germs with everyone, Dylan - so it's time for yet another sleep because it's brass band nationals next week, and you can't fall asleep during brass band nationals!

Although we had a concert on the weekend and I could swear that one of the band members did in fact fall asleep - I thought they'd just closed their eyes to better appreciate the soothing middle section of a gentle euphonium solo, but when the piano came thumping back in they jerked their head up suddenly and looked around in an extremely guilty fashion.

Yes, you. I saw you.

On another note, you remember my haiku? Well, a young lady of my acquaintance wrote her own set of haiku (about Sexual Experiences) and said perhaps I might like to blog them, as long as I kept her anonymous. Here they are!

My favourites are numbers 7 and 10.

In the car, parked up,
Did not know we were dogging.

It went for hours
We tried every position,
Still no orgasm.

After we did it -
Oh my motherfucking hell!
There’s blood everywhere!

I walked in the door,
You pounced, you pashed me, and then
We fucked for ages.

When we got naked
You realized I’m not just
Faking all that fat.

You stopped the BJ
To look at all my CDs.
You have some issues.

You were a weirdo
Who couldn’t get me off, and
Came into a sock.

I was so close and
I think you were too, but then
Your parents walked in.

We were on the beach.
It was dark, I was frisky.
My first time outside.

Your dog watched while we
Ate Thai, then fucked on the couch.
I didn’t like that.

Sex at your house while
Your flatmate was there. Later,
You hooked up with her.

It was your first time,
It nearly didn’t happen -
The condom snapped off!

I wish the last one ended, "Flew across the room, and hit my aunt in the eye!"


Holly said...

OMG. Sex haiku are the greatest things ever. How I wish I could use them as examples in class.

Johi said...

It was almost too early for me to read about sex, but the comedy prevailed.
I wish you blogged more too.

Irie Ninja said...

When sex haiku is the first thing you read when you get to work in the morning, you know it's gonna be a good day. And yes, I wish you blogged more too.