Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Upside Down

Hi everyone! Thank you all for your birthday wishes. I had a lovely day apart from being sick - if I was being paid for mucus production over the last week I would take you all on a nice holiday to Fiji - and am already regretting not doing more with the blog's Annual Day of Truth.

On Sunday we went to Rainbow's End - we being me, handsome boyfriend, my sister, her friend visiting from Christchurch and a couple of my close friends.

A more technically correct slogan would be, "NZ's Premier And Only Theme Park"

I took some pretty good photos but have yet to work out how to transfer these from my iPhone to the real internet so sadly you can't see them.

We started with the relatively tame Pirate Ship ride, where you sit in a ship and swing back and forth. (To recreate this at home, tie a string round the ends of a banana then hoist it lengthways between two books and take turns pulling on each end of the string.) The most notable part of the ride was my sister's friend interrupting the various pirate-ship-related squeals and yells to roar, "I got a txt!" in the middle of the ride.

My favourite was the Invader - I was initially worried that I would vomit ("Can you scream and vomit at the same time?" "Yes, but it goes up your nose and burns") but it was awesome. Look at it. It is magnificent.

I sat next to my friend, who became hysterical in a Laughing Policeman fashion out of some fun/fear combination the minute it started and quite literally didn't stop until the ride did.

HA-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
HOOOO-AHHH-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

It only got better when during all the laughing I forgot to swallow and managed to drool out the corner of my mouth slightly and feel it fly away in the wind! Gross. Which was only bettered by glancing at the person next to me (on the non-laughing side) at the exact moment a booger whipped out of their nose and spun away at high velocity. Eeeeww.

I also went on the Fear Fall - one of those things where they hoist you up a pole then drop you again - and the rollercoaster, an abandoned-mine ride I forget the name of but quite liked and the Power Surge, a horrendous bastard of a ride which very nearly gave me a Vomit Surge.

I took one look at it from across the park and went "No thank you".

FUCK NO, THANK YOU

My original aversion was because I don't really enjoy being upside down or falling backwards, and there is a lot of being upside down/falling backwards/falling backwards whilst upside down so only a pathetic unitog of a harness stands between you and ridiculous death involved in the Power Surge.

What you also can't tell from the picture is that each pair of chairs spins round and round as you go - not in any organised fashion, just depending on where the weight falls as the central wheel goes round and how much your knuckle-clenchingly enthusiastic seatmate wishes to flail about.

We approached the line. The ride supervisor was practicing the Robot, blissfully unaware of anything happening on the enormous machine behind him. This was less than confidence-inspiring. My sister dropped out because she is wise. I expressed a desire not to go on the ride, but my charming boyfriend picked me up and put me in the queue, and my friend pointed out that there were small children going on the ride who did not appeared worried in the slightest. Yes, ok, but it's fine for children! They don't understand things like gravity and hydraulics and death!

Anyway, I got on the ride and it went in the air and began to kick me about like in a tumble dryer and, instead of screeching in terror like a normal person (although there was a bit of that too), I started vocalising very clearly exactly how much I was not enjoying myself, mainly by shouting "I am not happy!" and "I don't like being upside down!" and "¡uʍop ǝpısdn buıǝq ǝʞıן ʇ,uop ı" and sometimes even "I am breaking up with you the second we are back on the ground for making me go on this stupid ride!" and ooh, flashbacks.

Man, it was such a fun day. I think I'm going to organise some sort of a work trip.

It's weird though when you're wandering along the road the next day, having apologised to boyfriend for being midair nutter (but to be fair I was upside down, and anything you say while upside down doesn't count) and trotting happily off to pub and then you think: "This time yesterday we were... way up in the air. And upside down."

You name me one animal that voluntarily spends most of its time upside down and is not a sloth or a bat. See? No animals. Upside down is not a natural way to be.


12 comments:

Irie Ninja said...

Hmm if you ever do decide to take everyone on a holiday I vote the Caribbean. Coz you know...I already live in Fiji right now. Also, I thought koalas and possums slept upside down too. Coz they're weird like that obviously.arg

chris.dadness said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
chris.dadness said...

I am impressed that Rainbow's End have painted all the rides in such a way that they already look vomited-on.

It's a shame that I am impressed rather than DE-pressed because my WV is "weeps".

Ian H said...

I've discovered the magic secret to not freaking out in rides is to keep your head pressed back against the headrest and relax.

Next time you're on the "Vomit Comet" or "Breakfast Booster" or "Regurginator 2000" you should try it.

SueAnn said...

Ummm!! Are you crazy??? Any of those rides would have me puking for sure. And upside down?? NOT!!!!
And then I read Ian's comment and decided he is crazier!!! Relax? Are you kidding me? Right?!
Ha!
Hugs
SueAnn

Andrea said...

I am so sorry my birthday wishes are late! I am Bad Friend. That ride looks hideous.

bluzdude said...

I've been on the lookout for a lot of things falling from rides, but never boogers. Thanks for the heads-up.

LucyDanger said...

So, let me get this straight. You had your mouth open to such an extent that you could feel the drool flying away.

You saw a person's booger fly out of their nose.

What is to say that wasn't the FIRST booger or the LAST booger and....and you might have CAUGHT AN EARLIER BOOGER?

Happy Boogerday.

IT IS ALLY said...

Irie, Fijian Ninja - I am down with the Caribbean. We can sit mojitos and work on our tans, by which I mean get pissed and sunburnt.

Chris - I know! The Fear Fall tower hasn't been painted since it was built, I think. It's 18 stories high and if you look directly up at it there's a regular old garden ladder stored in the top. Terrifying.

Ian - I'll give it a go! Wish I'd known that beforehand, should have done my research.

SueAnn - The Invader was great! Must admit the Vomit Surge was a terrible idea. You're just lucky Dr John doesn't insist on these adrenaline-fuelled adventures.

Andrea - it WAS. Although I suspect we would have gone on it because of its sheer awfulness. Then hopped off in some sort of mad hysteria and sat down for a bit.

Bluzdude - Yes. Watch out for those. Can only imagine the revolting high-speed impact of such a booger, God knows where it ended up

Lucy - Today is my Boogerday. I'm pretty sure I would've noticed an incoming booger, unless it landed... oh God. Unless it landed in my hair. Must immediately shower.

dan duran said...

I read that as, "Yes, but it goes up your nose and bums". Cheers for the mental picture.

IT IS ALLY said...

Dan - Hmmm... perhaps if you were in the brace position. Ewwww

Jackie said...

That's what I'm like on a ride as well. Somehow one of my friends managed to talk me into a ride that was sort of like a merry-go-round, except it went vertical. There are no seat belts in it because the idea is that centripetal/centrifugal force is going to keep you in the seat. At the top of the ride you are completely upside down. I spent the entire ride screaming obscenities and death threats at my friend for talking me into going on the ride.