Thursday, October 06, 2011

Drugs n' Sneeze

On the motorway today we were following a car with the numberplate 'I LAMO I.' If this is your car, please be aware that we thought it said 'lame-o' and not whatever you meant it to say.

In other news, I look like someone who knows how to buy drugs! (While some people might react to this by thinking "Oh God, I need to change my hair" my first thought was, "I could totally be an undercover cop." Who's watching Rookie Blue? Yes, me too. Yes, they are totally going to hook up. Yes, it is on a bit late for a Tuesday night.)

ANYWAY, I was walking through central Auckland yesterday morning - in proper work clothes, for those of you who were wondering just how seamy I was looking - and saw a guy about my age hanging about looking slightly dodgy. Clean-shaven and wearing a shirt, but still slightly dodgy.

Because I attract nutters* he wandered over and asked for the time, then sat down (I was sitting because sometimes txting and walking at the same time is a bit much and I am a hazard to other pedestrians) and said, "Are you from around here?"

I sort of am so I said, "Sort of. Are you trying to find something?"
"Yes," he said. I suspected that it was not the library.
"Do you take drugs?" he asked.

Picture of a sketchy-looking dog just seemed appropriate at this point.

"No... no, I'm probably the wrong person to ask. Sorry."

He was fine with that and chatted for a bit before wandering off in search of someone more underworldly than I. It was interesting - I always imagined if I was asked about drug procurement it would be by someone aggressive and threatening, not someone who sounded like they'd forgotten how to get to the bank.

I did briefly panic him, though: he asked where I worked and I said, "3 News" because I do, and he started and said, "You never met me! You never met me!"

Good God, man, you aren't news.

You know what is news, though? My sneeze has changed. It used to go "ahh-HEEESH-cha!" and make my workmates giggle and say, "Is there a kitten in here? Who brought that kitten in here?" but now it goes, "ah'SNRK" and does not make anyone say anything.

Is this something I should be concerned about? Is my nose going to explode? I'm worried my nose is going to explode.

*when I worked in classified advertising, I got more than my fair share of calls from nutters who wanted to call and rant about the many sins of the newspaper.
I also got the people who a) had never heard of the internet and b) assumed that a phone number associated with the newspaper is a general information hotline:
Me, in faintly helpful manner: "Welcome to Classifieds, you're speaking with Ally."
Them: "Is it Daylight Savings this weekend?"
Me: "Hmmm?"
Them, urgently: "Daylight Savings! Is it this weekend?"
Me: "Yeah, I think so."
Them: "Do the clocks go forward, or back?"
Me: "Forward?"
Them, fervently: "Thank you."

1 comment:

threewaystop said...

When I was little, I had that grandpa that tells you when you sneeze, your soul tries to escape.

This led to a lifetime of trying to bottle up my sneezes, since no one wants to lose their soul.

Also, it led to a sneeze which made the sound "a-ching."