Sunday, October 19, 2014

A Magnificent Pun

Hello everyone!  To save time, just imagine this is a paragraph containing a creative excuse for not blogging for months, and a promise to blog more frequently.  This will bring me to a grand total of three posts this year which, if you consider me as a penpal from the 1870s, writing from overseas and sending letters by steamship, is not too bad.

Today we have: some photos from Turkey, a brief update on my life, and a magnificent pun. 

Update: This post got long and text-heavy and so the Turkey photos will be in the next post, and that way those of you who are into words can read this one, and those of you who are into pictures can read (?) the other one, and those of you who are just into me in general can read both.

A Magnificent Pun

The other week HB was sick.  He woke up from a night of coughing and tossing and turning, sat up, and took a massive swig from a Coke can that had been sitting on the windowsill for several days.  

Unfortunately the Coke can was full of ants.

Once HB had finished spitting the mouthful of ants out the window, and I'd been suitably sympathetic, I said:

"I guess at least it'll stop you being sick... because now you're full of antibodies!"

HB was less impressed than I anticipated. 

***

I have on my desk a wicker duck, and from time to time I fill him up with candy for the team to eat.  For obvious reasons, his name is Mr Wickerquacker.  

Last week I filled him with mini Bounty bars.

Me, serious face: "I think I might have to leave town for a bit..."
Colleague: "Why?"
Me, delighted: "There is a Bounty on my head!"

And then I put a candy bar on my head and laughed uproariously and then HB said "time for you to do some work" and also "you are not allowed outside any more" and I had to be quiet and do my revenue forecasting.  No one appreciates me.

A Brief Update on My Life

It's still mostly work, except for the part where I was in Turkey, which we shall get to presently. I'm still doing boss stuff, which is just like regular stuff except the problems are more interesting and/or frequent.  
Here are some Boss Problems™ that I have encountered recently:
  • Have to go to important meeting. Forget about important meeting, wear t-shirt with a pony on it.
  • In important meeting, people keep saying 'EBITDA'.  Is pronounced "Eee-b't-DAAHH" and I don't know what it is*.  Know it is something serious and financials-related but this is the first time I've heard it and I can't stop thinking 'Ee bah gum'.
  • We are on a massive deadline and the team will not stop talking about farts (there is no way to make a team stop talking about farts until they are good and ready to stop talking about farts)
  • Ask for feedback in team meeting.  Colleague says, accusingly: "You have not filled the duck."  

Which reminds me - see you in another 6 months, have to fill the duck.


*Earnings before interest, tax, depreciation and amortization.  You only find out what amortization is on the day you receive your accounting degree, during your induction into secret accounting society.  I suspect it is the official term for the sacrificial ritual used to appease the spirit of EBITDA**, but am not sure, because am not accountant.

** High Priest: "Oh great EBITDA, please accept the amortizated blood of this humble salesperson as a token of our devotion.  May your spreadsheet be ever in the green."  
Congregation: "May your spreadsheet be ever in the green."


1 comment:

chris rees said...

I was going to make some amortization-related hilarity the other day as I did my third annual report of annual-report-season. But I just didn't find the strength so I am very happy to see this word here.

I'm pretty sure it means "the gradual process of moving all our investments to the Cayman Islands" but I am not an accountant myself.