Thursday, July 10, 2014

Dongo and the Giant Bottom

Hello everyone –

After a considerable absence I have returned!  Briefly.  With a children’s story.  I can only imagine how excited you all are.

Yesterday Andrea sent me a list of rude-sounding places around the world, and said we should one day visit Dongo (DR Congo) and The Bottom (Caribbean Netherlands). I said ‘Dongo and The Bottom’ sounded like a children’s story about a small boy who befriends a giant bottom and thus learns the meaning of true friendship, and now we have this.

It’s quite odd but I like it and hope you like it too.

Dongo and The Bottom
A story for children and also adults

It was a dark and stormy night, and Dongo was meant to be fast asleep in bed.

Dongo couldn’t sleep.
His brain was full of tired & unhappy thoughts.
He kept remembering sad moments and reliving all of his mistakes.

The rain beating on the window would not beat the thoughts away.
The thunder roaring in the sky would not shock the thoughts away.
The wind howling in the trees would not scare the thoughts away.

Dongo closed his eyes and wished hard to think about something else.

And when he opened his eyes the bed was gone
And the room was gone
And the rain was gone
And the thoughts were gone
And Dongo looked around and wondered where he had ended up.

And he saw:

Above his head, trees strung with blue spiderwebs
Below his feet, grass and flowers
To the right of him, a Giant Bottom

A Giant Bottom?

A Giant Bottom!

The Giant Bottom was large and pink and shockingly nude.
Dongo looked down at the grass, and then up at the trees, but eventually he could not avoid looking at the Giant Bottom

It was just too Giant.

And as Dongo looked at the Bottom, he felt the Bottom looked at him.

“Hello,” said Dongo.

The Bottom wobbled slightly and then it spoke,
and its voice was the voice of a thousand farts
and it said:

“Hello, Dongo.”


This was unexpected.

“Hello Giant Bottom” said Dongo.  “How did you know my name?”
“You are wearing a name tag,” said the Giant Bottom.
Dongo looked down at his chest and he was.

It said:

“Friend of the Giant Bottom?” asked Dongo.
“Yes,” the Bottom said.  “Everyone is a friend of the Giant Bottom, but some are better friends than others, and some are the very best friends of all.”
“Oh,” said Dongo.
Dongo was unused to having friends (especially ones that were Giant Bottoms) -
and as he remembered this the rainy thoughts came back,
and once again his head was filled with sadness,
and he sat down on the grass and cried.

The Giant Bottom was taken aback at this reaction to its friendship.

“Dongo, what has happened?”

Dongo hid his face in the grass and told the Bottom that he was not a very good friend,
and that in fact he was not even a very good person.

“I have been mean because I wanted to be mean,
I have told a lie when I should have told the truth,
I have told the truth when I should have told a lie,
I have taken things which did not belong to me,
I have hated things which were given to me with love -
So you see, I am not so good to be around.”

The Bottom sighed a tired sigh

“Dongo,” it said,
“These are just mistakes.
Everybody makes them.”

“Can you make them go away?” Dongo asked, hopefully.

“No,” said the Giant Bottom.
“I am a Giant Bottom, not a wizard.
But listen carefully…”

The Bottom told Dongo that the important and best thing about friends
Is that when you make mistakes, they still love you
They still know that you are a good person,
Even if you are a good person who has done a bad thing,
Even if you are a good person who has made a mistake.

“But Giant Bottom,” Dongo said,
“How do you know I’m a good person?
We have only just met.”

The Bottom laughed and said:
“Dongo, I am not just one Giant Bottom, I am all bottoms.
“When Bango mooned you on the bus, I was there.
When the elderly man got changed at the pool, I was there too.
And when you visited the baboons at the zoo, I was also there.

So you see, I know you better than you think.”

As Dongo listened to the Giant Bottom, he realised it was right.
What he had done yesterday was not as important as what he might do tomorrow.
And while yesterday's mistakes couldn't be undone, Dongo could learn not to make the same mistakes tomorrow.

And Dongo felt hopeful.

The Bottom had been watching Dongo carefully and it said:
“Dongo, are you ready to go home now?”

“Yes, Giant Bottom.”

And Dongo closed his eyes, and when he opened them he was back in his room -

but the rain was a comforting tattoo
and the wind was a familiar voice
and the thunder was the giant fart of a friend.

The End


Zach said...

Would trade again.

Zach said...

10/10 Would trade again.

Anonymous said...

So excited you commented twice? I'll take it.
- Ally

cerebral e said...

Very nice. Illustrations would be the cherry on top.

chris rees said...

Pretty sure and a little afraid that what you have here is the next Gruffalo*

*A wildly popular childresns books with $$$ in spinoff merch

chris rees said...

childrens agh why do I even

Anonymous said...


Frith said...

I work at Scholastic & just read Dongo aloud to my boss & we love it - unfortunately we work in Marketing & aren't that important BUT STILL it's great