Monday, March 23, 2015

Meetings. Trousers. Easter.

Accidentally turned on Voice Control on my phone just before.  It looked at me I and I looked at it and it said nothing and I said "...snap...chat?" and it said "NO MATCH FOUND" and then I said "yes there is" and it said "NO MATCH FOUND" and then I told it to fuck off.

Them I opened my email and observed with some interest the 173 Starred Items and closed my email again and opened a cider instead, and then I sang the cider a little cider song, and I am just as concerned about my mental health as you are.

ooooh, are you cold enough / are you cold enough

(It was not, I should have put it in the freezer for a bit.)

My meetings today went well, which I'm sure you are pleased to hear.  The Events one (the one where I spend most of the meeting trying to distract people from the things which I have not done) was particularly good.  We discussed Easter deadlines.  I looked enthusiastic and serious and like someone who would certainly not miss an Easter deadline, and if they did it would not be on purpose.  

To help with the seriousness I made many notes about Easter deadlines, and one note which was a small picture of a house.  I considered discreetly showing the house picture to the person sitting next to me, but they were absorbed in their own note-which-was-a-picture-of-a-rabbit, and so I did not. 

And right before the meeting ended the Meeting Leader said, "with these deadlines, we won't be able to be flexible on any late entries," and everyone looked at me, presumably because I am very busy and important.

find your spirit animal, they said

In completely other news, are you guys aware of PlayPants?  My colleague Picnic introduced me to these at work today and basically they are pants with stealth inside unzippable pockets which allow you to escape detection while publicly fondling yourself or your significant other.  

Here is a picture from their successfully funded to the tune of 10,000 pounds Kickstarter:

of course she is doing metal horns

The Kickstarter page asks the question all of us were thinking: "Why do you need PlayPants?"

And then, as Socrates would do if he were plugging filth trou, it answers it with some other questions.

"Itchy private parts in public?"
"Lonely single night at the Cinema?"
"Dull love life?"
"Boring corporate meeting?"

If we are being honest, Kickstarter, you can have as many topless pictures of beautiful people as you like, but I think we all know that the main purpose of these pants relates entirely to the first question.  And maybe the last one.  Although that could be just me. 

I don't know whether to be impressed by the ingenuity of this or horribly embarrassed.  Imagine future historians, standing behind their lecterns and declaring in serious tones:  "The people of the 21st century made some solid advances in technology and space travel, but also... this."  It'll be like when someone says "can you believe in the Middle Ages they thought the plague was caused by evil spirits?" and everyone goes "oh those crazy old-time folk, we would never do that now, ha ha ha, now let's spend ten thousand pounds on rude pants." 

Man, there are so many other things you could do with ten thousand pounds.  

this you could do this

BRB I gotta go start a Kickstarter.

you guys it has been five years since I made Bear Guitar thank you so much for reading my blog.


1 comment:

chris rees said...

Bear with a guitar still the best thing on the www