Monday, August 31, 2015

To Choose Your Own Adventure, turn to page 72

Hello everyone!

I just opened a cider and took a biggish swig and the cider was a LOT fizzier than I was expecting, and it went out of control in my mouth and I went "BWOOOSH!"like a small surprised fountain and now there is cider all over the lounge.

In more impressive news, last week I wrote a short 'Choose Your Own Adventure' book and it was immense fun.  I wrote it for Button, so it's very in-joke heavy and you would be unlikely to enjoy it, but to decant some honey turn to page 48.
spoiler alert: you do not save Poley by decanting honey

To make the plot I eviscerated a notebook and wrote a Thing That Happens on each page and arranged the pages all over the floor of the living room.

I thought I might write another one.  Perhaps it will be a mystery, perhaps it will be a romance, perhaps it will be about pirates, perhaps it will be a pirate romance mystery where you are Detective Inspector Cannonball, stowed away on board the - boat names are surprisingly hard - the Terror of the Seas in order to solve the Case of the Disappearing Viking Heiress, but then you are forced to choose between the call of duty and the call of booty.  
Pirate booty.  But also sexy booty, because of course there will be sexy booty.   To climb the mast, turn to page 21.  To 'climb the mast', turn to page 48.  Surprise!  There is Poley, decanting honey.

If you would like to read the choose your own adventure book when it's done, let me know in the comments and I will post you a copy.

This week I found an old USB that has the contents of my previous computer in it.  Highlights include: 

  • a melodramatic and mercifully short horror story about being trapped in an inhumane torture compound where the inmates are thrown into sacks and skinned, but then in the end it turns out that the story is from the point of view of potatoes
  • a melodramatic and mercifully short horror story about a submariner who wakes up to find the submarine deserted and explores it with a Growing Sense of Dread, but then in the end it turns out that the entire crew had hidden to throw him a surprise party (the last sentence is 'Petty Officer Wallace had forgotten that it was his birthday')
  • A folder of notes made, presumably, when I was working at the Press.  Notes include, "NO MORE BAND! ENOUGH BAND FOR TODAY!" and "I just sat on my headset."

IMAGINE.  Other people are writing the Great American Novel, and I am writing things like 

p.s. today after a meeting I was having a Work Conversation about some new site functionality and I asked if we could still have badge redirects to different parts of site, and the developer said, "You can add them wherever you like! You could have a link at top of page telling everyone to go to 'Ally's Blog!'" and MAN sometimes I forget that the me that writes the ridiculous blog is also the me that has the serious meetings and does the professional things. Hopefully everyone at work also forgets this. Work if you are reading this maybe you should read this post about the top 50 most ridiculous Pokemon names and leave me in peace to action my workflow.


Anonymous said...

I forgot to add this and I can't be bothered signing back in. If you want to choose your own adventure, you can email me your postal address: - or you can send it to me on Twitter.

If you do not want to choose your own adventure, please disregard the above message.

Brooke said...

I remember the potato story! I think it was from that writing group with not-really-Trevor.