Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Do you hear the people sing?

Hello everyone!  That title will make sense later.

This week I cancelled a booty call because there were six beef and blue cheese sausages in the fridge that were on their use by date.  Then I ate all 6 sausages in one go and was instantly full of regret (and sausages).  Told colleague about this and he said, "At least you got some sausage!"  Think I might start working from home.  Also think I might stop telling colleagues about my sausage priorities.

The sausage situation was not helped by the fact that there was also some steak in the fridge that was one day past its use by date so, after checking with HB, I ate that as well.

"do you still talk to your ex?"
"...only if it is about something important"

Speaking of sausages, sort of, did you guys know there is a porn site called vaginasong.com?

BECAUSE THERE TOTALLY IS

someBODY once told me the world was gonna roll me

I have many questions about vaginasong.com, mostly because I didn't visit the site and so can't verify that it isn't just a a group of talented ladies making the Lord's music with the most inappropriate of the instruments the Lord has given them.  (You would play it like a wobble board, in case you're wondering).

(Update: you would not play it like a wobble board.  I tried.  It did not make any noises worth writing home about.)

The other thing about vaginasong.com is that given how much money is in the porn industry, at some point there must have been a meeting about naming the site:

"Neil, what's a fancier word for 'queef'?"

There might even have been market testing carried out!

"Rupert, the results of the testing are back in, do you have a couple of minutes to go over them?"
"Do we have a frontrunner?"
"Unfortunately our target demographic just isn't responding well to cockwarble.com."
"What if we-"
"I really don't think the slide whistle noise will help."

There is also the possibility that it isn't meant to be 'vagina song' and is in fact 'vag in a song' and I'm so sorry if you're reading this at work but isn't that a wonderful twist on the classic substitution game -

Who knows what might have happened if it hadn't been for Cotton Vag Joe?

Speaking of things that we all enjoy in private but do not normally tell our friends about, and moving swiftly on from the weird place this post was going, on the way home from work today I was driving behind this local KFC aficionado (who made me feel a lot better about my Burger King consumption last weekend):

"Dad, why can't we go through the McDonald's drive-through?"
"You know why."

I would have taken a better photo but I almost rear-ended him as it is, which isn't a good way to make friends with somebody who could hook you up with wicked wings for life.

This might be, though.
And it's available! For a mere $1049.

I really hope that once a month the owners of KFCs 1-10 meet up to enjoy a big bucket at their local Dirty Bird, parking outside (or perhaps going in convoy through the drive-through) in order of numberplate.

I also hope that the numberplate you have determines your pecking order (yes pun) in the KFC Illuminati.  The more seconds that pass since I came up with the KFC Illuminati, the more sure I am that it exists.

FETCH THE POTATO AND GRAVY.  HE HAS ARRIVED

Sorry everyone.  This post has been a trainwreck.

But at least the title makes sense now.

IT IS THE MUSIC OF A PEOPLE WHO WILL NOT BE SLAVES AGAIN!

1 comment:

chris rees said...

I love how Blogger, when you are interested to know when a post was written, says "7.47pm!!" Yeah thanks* Blogger that IS what I was wondering, can you be any more precise.

*This is sarcasm and I am just pointing that out because its a bit new for me and how do you think I am doing?

I hope you are well and its good to see you in Blogworld now and then.