In Which I Party

I should probably advise you, dear readers, that this is a Blunk (drunk blog) and may therefore make even less sense than normal. Just be glad I'm spelling things right.

Christchurch is looking up! I went out with a couple of old friends and made about ten million billion (read: four) new ones. I went out for a lunchtime drink with my impossibly coloured friend, who told me many hilarious stories, none of which I can recount here because they'd embarrass her and she actually reads this sometimes, but it put me in the mood for Goin' Out. I got home, and my mother and sister (both of whom I love dearly) were sitting on the couch watching something crappy and looking bored.

Mum: "Oh, (your aunt) has invited us round for a BBQ!" (Note: this happens bi-weekly at the least.) "Do you want to come?"
Kate (sister): "We could go and get (insert name of crappy DVD here)."
Me: "I'm going to get dressed up and Go Out!"

So I did. I went for a casual beer and then I went to a party because I wasn't ready to go home yet, and I met many (ok, four) interesting people. It was My First Night Out Since Wellington (God, sounds like something of First Date Post-Divorce magnitude) and it was good! People liked my hair and people liked my cardigan and I was a happy puppy.

Hopefully this good night is but the first of many.

Ooh. Drunk. Going to go to sleep now.

PS: Did you know that if you Google 'enormous banana,' my blog is the first site to pop up? I think this is the crowning achievement of my life so far.

Return of the ENORMOUS BANANA

Yes! I saw the ENORMOUS BANANAS again today, in a different fruit & vege shop! They must be catching on. Shortly after the EB sighting I overtook (in the walking sense) a woman who was carrying a plastic shopping bag with nothing in it except an EB. I almost said something to her (would've been along the lines of "Oh, you got one of those huge bananas! I was going to get one, too"), but luckily I realised that only mad people comment on the fruit purchases of a complete stranger. Still. Was nice to see my favourite fruit again. Next time I will take a photo.

Other exciting newses -

1) this wasn't originally going to be on the list, but Blogger spell-check recognises 'newses' as a word, which I was pretty sure it wasn't.

2) I made scones this evening! To be more accurate, I made a scone. Was intending to make a batch of perfectly formed sconelets (also apparently a word - come on, spell-check, you cannot be serious), but the batter was all sticky and gluey and just getting it onto the baking tray was hard enough, let alone cutting it into squares and then moving them 2cm apart. So I made one large scone, and cut it into many smaller scones. Turns out this doesn't make any difference to the delicious taste. Although having said that, I have never made scones before - so maybe it does. Hmm. Will use more flour next time and see. Will also use more baking powder as scones not as tall as I would've liked.

3) Have new plot for novel! Surprise, surprise. Will not unveil plot in dramatic, Extreme Makeover fashion as there will probably be a new plot tomorrow.

4) Yoghurt is good for your skin! (The Internet told me.) Am not sure if this is a widely held theory, though, because Sister Flatmate came home to find me watching Survivor with yoghurt all over my face and thought I was a nutcase. Skin now very soft though. Hair is also soft, because felt like hair was not doing skin justice and so put leave-in conditioner through it. I am all soft! Just for reference purposes, it's only plain yoghurt that's good for your skin, not flavoured yoghurt with little bits of strawberry in it. Although if that was the only yoghurt in the house it would be better than nothing? Probably.

5) There was a power cut tonight! Right in the middle of CSI: Miami. I was home by myself and the lights went out, and I thought 'oh shit I knew we should have paid that power bill before now,' but when I wandered outside the lights had gone out all up the street, and everyone was standing outside their houses cursing and offering each other candles and saying things like "I knew I shouldn't have tried to cook so many things in the oven at once" and gloating because somehow their telly was still working. Was exciting! Lit candles and read magazines by candle-light and thought, 'I could survive in a civil defence emergency!' (Not sure if this is actually the case, but I can definitely survive a two-hour power cut just fine.)


No more newses, I don't think, except that I was really productive at work today! Probably the biggest news of all. It was almost un-natural. This unholy efficiency may or may not continue tomorrow - I stayed late (I know - I said it was unnatural (does un-natural have a hyphen? both ways look wrong. both ways look unnatural)) to redo my entire filing system, halve my workload for tomorrow, and schedule my day properly. Whether or not I will stick to the schedule remains to be seen, but if I do it will make me an efficiency wizard.

And now, an impromptu summing-up of my day, in poetic form!

I got up this morning and I made myself some porridge -

Poor start. Nothing rhymes with porridge.

I got up this morning, made some porridge, went to work
Fortified myself with coffee, then plunged into the murk
of documents and emails in which, a corporate pig, I wallow
(after checking first my Facebook and the daily blogs I follow).
Made phone call after phone call with no visible result
Amended several fuck-ups all of which were not my fault
Put through some sales, redid my files and made a cup of tea
and then at 5 to 5 I took my customary wee.

Stayed working late to get things done and missed the evening news
Trundled home, self-satisfied that I'd worn comfy shoes
Saw the Huge Banana as I walked to my abode
and yet again I failed to find a fifty in the road.
I reached my house! I went inside! I made the Giant Scone!
The lights went off on our whole street! And then they went back on!
To celebrate the power cut I opened up a beer
And then I thought, 'I'll do my blog,' and this is it right here.

OK bedtime.

Bein' At Work

I am at work! Obviously I am on a break, because I would never be so (bored with my job) irresponsible as to be blogging instead of working. I am eating a banana (on Fridays we get free fruit – something to do with encouraging us to eat healthily, which is nice) and gearing myself up for morning tea, which is sure to feature saveloys – we seem to have them every morning tea. I’m pretty sure work morning teas are the only setting in which I’ve eaten saveloys since I was about five. Not that I’m complaining – I find saveloys to be the most delicious of the almost-meat food group. (Narrowly beating out Sizzlers and luncheon.)

Yesterday I was sick! I am putting my doctor’s children through college. I hope they are happy (and studious).

After going to the doctor’s (who adopts a kind of ‘oh-what-is-it-now’ face whenever I walk into her office) and being disgruntled by stupidly large bill, I went home, fell asleep in front of Oprah, and woke up an hour later in a HUGE panic because for some reason I thought it was Friday morning and that I was late for work. Very depressing, but huge relief when I realised it wasn’t.
Man I am halfway through this banana and I am sick of it already. I am lucky it is not ENORMOUS BANANA of legend.

In other news, what was I thinking with the merzombies? Was I on crack? I am going to write a nice quiet novel about plants. GIANT SENTIENT ATTACK PLANTS! No. Seriously, though, as taken as I am with the image of an enormous, undead mer-army marching silently out of the sea and advancing on Washington (or perhaps a city that is actually by the sea – thank you, Google Maps) it isn’t a particularly great idea. I wonder how I could work merzombies into novel? Don’t think there is a way that doesn’t involve writing a huge fantasy epic. Unsure if huge fantasy epics are really my oeuvre. Will think about this.

Went out for dinner last night to a Creole & etc. restaurant with Sister Flatmate and her boyfriend/partner/thing, which was nice. I haven’t been out for dinner in ages and got a bit over-excited – kept saying, “Ooh, this is nice! This was such a nice idea!” until they were both completely annoyed and probably wished they’d never suggested it in the first place.

Then I went home and fell asleep on the couch. What an exciting life I do lead!

Right, my (boss is coming) break is over, so I had better get back to work.

MERZOMBIES

Fancy that! A day has passed, and yet I have not lost the ability to post pictures to my blog. Prepare yourselves for a lot of (mostly unrelated) photos. Andrea suggests I start taking outfit photos - this is a good idea except a) I don't have a digital camera and b) I'm not at all photogenic and c) I'm usually dressed in boring work clothes and d) I'm vain enough that it would take me an extra half hour in the morning, especially when you take b) into account.

So, news of the day: Ghost Whisperer sucks. Or, as we refer to it here, Ghost Breasterer. Because Jennifer Love Hewitt's cleavage has, at the least, a minor character part. It should be in the title credits. "Jennifer Love Hewitt's Cleavage playing Itself." Cleavage is also a better actress (actor? actperson?) than JLH herself. Anyway! That wasn't actually the news of the day, but while I'm rambling about sexually related body parts I would just like to say that, contrary to Andrea's new theory, my obsession with the ENORMOUS BANANA is a) over and b) not Freudian in the least.

The actual news of the day is that I have a plot for NaNoWriMo! By which I mean I have a sort of plot. I have an idea. Basically, it goes like this. Prepare yourselves.

What if we accidentally found the lost underwater civilization of Atlantis? What if they turned out to be real douchebags? What if they started a war with us?

What if it was told from about six different points of view?

My NaNoWriMo is about a war between humanity and shapeshifting Atlantean necromancers.

Don't act like you're not impressed.

Brace yourself, literary world. Brace yourself for MERZOMBIES.

I'm not 100% sure about the merzombies. But it's just such a stunning word.

I promise heavy artillery and sadistic lieutenants and misguided bounty hunters and volcanic eruptions and underwater zoos and probably cross-civilization romance. Who's excited? I'm excited! Who's insane? I'm insane! Who has to learn about Atlantis and military organisation and strategy and salvage and weaponry! I have to...you get the point.


I know it doesn't necessarily sound like that great of an idea (by which I mean I know it sounds alike possibly the worst idea for a novel, ever) but I was just sitting there at work today and one of my colleagues said something and the idea fell into my head, and I thought 'Yes! That's what I'm going to do for NaNo! War Against Atlantis!' And then characters and motives and scenes started popping in my head like kernels of popcorn exploding in a pan. In my brain-pan. Kernels of thought in my brain-pan! Plot kernels, character kernels, setting kernels, military kernels! Ha ha ha. Did I mention I am very tired?

I think I am a nutter. But then you knew that already, it's a large part of my charm.


Crap Analogy of the Day:

Backstory: At work at the moment my team is only 3 people (since the departure of VB). It's really meant to be a 5-person team, but we were fine as a 4-person because VB and I did, between us, 60/70% of the work. So now he is gone, and I am left with the Gung-Ho Kid, and the well-intentioned but ultimately tits-on-a-bull Newbie. Ready for the analogy?

Analogy:Being in my Team is like being in a Dinghy.

Before, VB and I had one oar each and were keeping the dinghy upright and on course - not an easy task, but a manageable one. It didn't really matter if the Newbie and the Gung-Ho Kid sat at the back of the boat and looked at the scenery and talked about what was in their sandwiches.

But now that there is no VB, the dinghy is hideously off-balance because I'm the only one a) rowing and b) with any knowledge of how to row. I spend most of my day shouting desperately to Newbie and the Gung-Ho Kid, "Stop standing up in the dinghy! Sit down and row! Stop running around! Bail out, bail out! Can't you see we're going to sink if you don't sit down and help me out here?!"

Meanwhile, the Gung-Ho Kid and Newbie are shouting, "Ally! Ally! Come and look! I think I can see a dolphin!"

SIGH. Anyone hiring?

Another day, another detox

"I am starting another detox," I shouted to Sally, in the bathroom brushing her teeth. "You just started another beer!" "I am starting it tomorrow morning. Start of a new week. New week, new detox! Not every week though."
Pause.
From the bathroom - "It's hard to brush your tongue."

So! New detox. Woke up yesterday to sound of neighbours mowing lawn and shouting at their children, and thought, 'Who has told them about my hangover?' Stupid neighbours.

I have lost my cellphone - this is far less distressing than I had imagined it would be! Actually it's quite nice to not be contactable 24 hours of the day. I guess in this day and age it's kind of irresponsible not to have one - for emergencies and so on - but still, it's quite tempting to remain cellphoneless and therefore somewhat off the radar. (I just like that phrase.)

I am totally stuck for ideas for NaNoWriMo! Like a car that has careened off the road and into a muddy paddock of clay whilst being driven by a learner driver whose father told them to turn FAR too late (this may or may not be based on a true story), I am well and truly stuck. However, I have faith that, like the car, I will - after a bit of futile wheel-spinning - come unstuck. Albeit with a lot of effort and cursing.

Has anything else interesting happened? Today I modelled (modeled? wore) some vintage clothing for my sister to list on Facebook - I'll see if my blogging skills are up to adding a picture. They probably aren't...I shall save a draft just in case, because I would hate for any of the previous stunning paragraphs to vanish into the inter-ether.


Ooh, look, I can do it! There I am. I love that dress, actually - you can't see the fabric very well there (poor photo) but it's stunning. I might put another one on. I really must buy a digital camera, I'd like to be able to put more photos of ME on the INTERNET. That's right, ME ON THE INTERNET!

How vain. I just want something interesting to come up when I Google myself.

So! Now that I have learned that new skill (do I gain a level? experience points? can I add a class? or do I just feel slightly ashamed of my startlingly geeky inner self) I shall go back to my usual rambling on about nothing (no large fruit today - sorry.)

(See, if I had a digital camera, I could've taken a photo of that enormous banana, so that you too could marvel at its hugeness. Just saying.)

As previously mentioned, I am having a dither about NaNoWriMo. I would like to write an adventure story - from the city to the jungle, from the jungle to the sea, from the pirate encounter to the mountain cave chase to the sacrificial altar to the last-minute escape and home again in time for supper - but I've never written anything even vaguely near that genre before and so it's a daunting thought. I normally write tongue-in-cheek, pun-filled well, bollocks. (Not that I'm saying this won't be bollocks. Have no fear, it will be!) I don't know how to write about the jungle! I don't know how to write a fight scene, or speed along an adventure plot! I don't even know why they'd be on an adventure anyway. I'm not sure I want to do another Quest - I think perhaps some sort of war/evading death scenario would be interesting but, as I said, I have no experience at all. Eek! Helpeth! I shall think of something on the way to work tomorrow.

Ooh, there is movie on! Cillian Murphy appears to be in Mexico. There is nothing I don't like about this! Adios, amigos! (and amigas.) If you need me, I will be in Mexico. Worrying about my novel and partaking in the medicinal application of tequila and peyote.

EDIT: Oh my God, I have eaten so much bread in the last three days. I have become obsessed with soup & bread. I average six slices of bread to a cup of soup, which is excessive, if not downright revolting! I am having bread guilt. And also eating yet another delicious piece of pea & ham-drenched toast! I am going to become huge. Like the banana. Oh my God! I have got to stop talking about that banana.

I saw an ENORMOUS BANANA!

Huge, it was! Twice the length and girth of a normal banana! I am not making this up. I was walking past a grocer's on my way home from work and there it was, a yellow behemoth nestled incongruously between two apples by some mischievous passerby. Just past that was a WHOLE BOX OF ENORMOUS BANANAS. On the excitement stakes, this ranked somewhere between animals escaping from the zoo and my lunchtime bagel, highlight of my workday. I almost bought one, but then I remembered that I don't like bananas. Still, I was tempted by the MAMMOTH BANANA.

My lunchtime bagel was excellent today by the way - the only flaw was that I got over-excited and had it at 11am, and then was hungry again by fourish. I have just eaten six pieces of toast (six!) and had a cup-a-soup. I mean, a cup of soup. Damn you, Maggi, for dumbing me down! (We're currently ignoring the fact that I got really excited about seeing a large banana.)

Did anything else exciting happen today? The power bill arrived, but it turns out that enormous power bills are much less exciting than enormous bananas.

I am tempted to have another cup-a-soup, (cupacupacupacupacupacupa SOUP!) but then I will eat a whole loaf of bread, and then there will be an ENORMOUS ME.

Do you know what looks awesome? The Lego Batman game, that's what.

New Pod!

That exclamation mark was a little unwarranted. I have now moved from my old pod, full of girls, to my NEW pod (capitals also unwarranted), full of boys.

I much prefer it, especially now that new-podmate, who always gave off strange Waves of Hate towards me, has done a complete about-face and is proving highly entertaining.

Haven't done much work, though.

In other news, have bought very nice shade of red nail polish (it is called 'Meeting the Mother-in-Law') and am wearing it. Feel it makes me more likely to succeed in all endeavours. Am also eating healthily as part of The Big Brisbane Diet, or BBD (not to be confused with the BBC, who is still txting and emailing heartily, thus ensuring a Situation lies ahead). The BBD has been going for a whole day and a half now! Objective is, of course, to look less like barrel with bit of string tied round when am wearing bikini. No visible results as yet. Will update as appropriate (forecast update: "BBD over as got drunk and had pie.")

Josh is telling me an amusing story about bananas.

I don't think I have any other news...see, this is what happens when I blog too much.

Except that I have a quartet gig (I said gig) this week, for the Freemasons. I would make some smartassed remark about being blindfolded throughout but then I would mysteriously disappear.