Monday, December 03, 2007


...and that's how my job is. Today, every knobhead in the greater Wellington region called and asked to speak to me personally. I should've been flattered, but I wasn't.
"How can I help you," I said, smiling politely, and as one they replied, "You can't, because I am an idiot! I am going to ring up and demand my products RIGHT NOW, even though you have told me on numerous occasions that I have to wait ten days!"
Then I repeat the bit about the ten days, patience is a virtue, etc., and then they go away.
Then, ten minutes later, their business banker calls. Business bankers who actually call are, with one exception (Karen, from the Hamilton branch, who is actually tolerable, because she realises that people are STUPID and IMPATIENT) Big Dicks.
"Hi," they say in the menacing tone only those in the financial sector and, I suppose, the Mafia are able to cultivate, "have I come through to Ally?"
At this point I am always tempted to say "No" in a very confused voice and start speaking Russian.
"Yes," I say, "how can I help you?"
At this point they start in on a tirade about how their customer has been waiting THREE DAYS NOW and it's not good enough because ten reasons that, to be frank, are just not my fucking problem. I say this, very politely, and the business banker is always rude and unpleasant.
I am beginning to understand why people hold up banks.

In other news, Band is going to Brisbane next March for Australian nationals. BrisBand, I shall call it.
I am also going to Brisbane, rather against my better judgment and desire not to live in extreme POVERTY FOREVER. Instead I shall swan about in the sun and chat up people I should know better than to chat up, and maybe even play a little bit of music here and there.

I'm not actually as cranky as I appear. It has just been one of those long, frustrating days where you don't get any work done because you're too busy sorting out other people's crap. Not literally. That would be worse.

However, while I'm complaining, people keep 'tagging' photos of me on Facebook. For anyone lucky enough to have escaped being peer pressured into joining Facebook (it's a bit like herpes in that no-one really wants it but everyone seems to give it to their friends and once you have it you can NEVER GET RID OF IT), 'tagging' photos is when OTHER PEOPLE put photos of you on your homepage.

Usually the photo has been taken of you, blind drunk, with one eye closed and a double chin and a beer in your hand a fag sticking out of your mouth.

And when you say, politely, to your friend who is PARTICULARLY bad at doing this, "Hey, I believe I have mentioned before that I would prefer it if you didn't 'tag' photos of me," they get offended.

Evidently it is a day for ranting. I am now in the (time-consuming) process of removing 'tagged' photos. (No, I am not going to stop using the quotation marks.)
Facebook is almost stupider than business bankers. I bet they have their own little Facebook community and they will sit about and write snarky little messages on each other's whiteboardsTM about how much trouble they caused me today.

I am going to go home and have a BEER and do some EDITIN' and maybe have FISH and CHIPS.

I am also going to put on loud emo music, provided my flatmate isn't home (the one that isn't in India, although to be fair she won't be home either) and jump about. And tidy my room. And wish that some dickhead (I know exactly which dickhead it was, too, and she's in India so I can't even make a passive-aggressive comment) hadn't put a PAPER milk carton into the VERY BOTTOM of the rubbish bin BECAUSE THE MILK SMELT.

Sometimes the very stupidity of people worries me. I'm either an elitist snob or just irritable. Not that the two are mutually exclusive. Now, to end, a list of nice things about today.

Nice Things About Today

- I finished work an hour early because I made many sales last week and got a Leave At Four (sort of like Free Parking, really. If work was like a game of Monopoly, today was not the round where I bought all the yellows, it was the round where I landed on all the hotels that some sod put on the browns and light blues, which don't bankrupt you but are still bloody annoying.)
- Heroes is on the telly tonight, and I like Heroes.
- The Nunch returns to Wellington on Thursday
- I do not have band
- I can do a load of washing
- I do not have to deal with any business bankers until tomorrow
- I am not a business banker
- I am not married to a business banker
- I did not snog anyone inappropriate at the staff party, or fall over in my netball uniform.
- I did not in fact snog anyone at the staff party, or use the word snog. I did chat up someone from I think Finance who was wearing an air force uniform but this is beside the point
- I haven't gotten drunk and declared my love for anyone from band for AGES
- I have nice shoes
- I have ALMOST finished editin' my Seminal Work (actually that's a bit of a lie. Almost finished in the Halfway Through sense of the term)
- I have just joined a Facebook group (see? can't get rid of it. I have started a Facebook vampire army because I'm just that cool) called "I Secretly Want to Punch Slow Walking People in the Back of the Head," which I do. Often.
- I do not live in Dunedin
- or Auckland
- or Wanganui, etc.

See? Really, life is not so bad.


a cat of impossible colour said...

Should I know who the Nunch is?

Riadan said...

You should contact me sometime, pretty Ally.
I accidentally put super glue in my phone and lost your phone number. Mine is still the same.

Drinks Friday at Hawthorne?