"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."
Please ignore that part about delivering the award to 8 bloggers etc etc, because a) I don't know that many bloggers and b) even if I did I'd be far too lazy I mean shy to link all their blogs on here. Instead, in celebration, I have decided to post a picture of someone who has had Hello Kitty tattooed on their arse! Image from kittyhell.com.
"Fuck yeah."Perhaps I should launch my own blog award - the Hello Kitty ArseTat Award. For any blogs out there which are bizarre and slightly offensive, and yet somehow strangely awesome.
On reflection, I'm pretty sure this doesn't need to be limited to the internet; the term "HK Arsetat" could become this year's 'chillax.' (Only better.)
Possible Real-Life Applications of 'HKArsetat'
Me: "I read on the Internet about this guy who could lift 20 kilos with his penis."
You: "Wow...wow. I don't know if that's impressive or retarded."
Me: "I know...HKArsetat, right?"
You: "Oh my God! Look at that guy, he is so cute!"
Me: "I wouldn't say...cute, exactly. He's kind of..."
You: "Gorgeous?"
Me: "...HKArsetat."
On second thoughts, it may not catch on as well as I'd hoped. But, you know, next time you see something impressive yet retarded, consider using HKArsetat. It's...well, you know.
Anyway, now for some actual news: I quit my horrid job! Yesterday! Was sitting at my desk all morning, thinking about how much I hated it ("Mrs Button, please?"), and fantasising about quitting at morning tea time, when suddenly I realised that there was actually nothing stopping me from doing just that. So I hopped onto Google chat and said to Andrea, "I hate my job and want to quit!" Andrea, who is always a good influence, said, "Yes, do! Will be Awesome." And so I did, and it was! For anyone who's never walked out of a job they really hate partway through the day and completely without regret, I totally recommend it. Especially if your last act within the walls of your building is to wave cheerily at your now-ex-workmates and bum a cigarette off your (obnoxious) now-ex-boss.
CC came over all shy and said that if I stayed he'd stop throwing paper planes at me - amazingly, I left despite this. I have escaped! I mean resigned. So yes! Am now cheerfully unemployed once more. Looking for a job, of course, but this time I'm going to get one which doesn't make me hate myself and everyone around me. Mind you, I did learn some interesting things about a) being unprofessional and b) last names you wouldn't wish on anyone (Death, Goldsack, Wiggle, Balls, Lepper).
In honour of my now-ex-job, here are (in no particular order (don't know why I still say that, my lists are never in any particular order)) my Five Favourite Telemarketing Moments.
1. Best Brush-off Ever
Me: "Good morning, this is Ally calling from Telemarketing Company. How're you?"
Man: "Fine, but also not interested! Bye!" *click*
Close second: the Asian woman who asked, very hesitantly, "...can I leave?"
2. Best Case of Mistaken Identity Ever
CC, on phone: "I'm Chris, what's your first name? Dickie? *pause* Oh...oh...Vicky."
Close second to the woman who, obviously expecting a call, answered the phone with, "Hi, David! How are you?" (My response: "Good! But not David.")
3. Best Insult (to Customer) Ever
There's a tie here, between Chris's "What do you mean you can't speak English? You were speaking it before!" and my conversation, below:
Me: "Mr Wallis, please."
Mr Wallis: "Some people call me that."
Me, cheerily and without any thought: "I don't even want to know what the rest call you!"
Best Cheesy Telemarketer Phrase Ever
Me: "Hi, it's Ally calling from a Telemarketing Company. We're currently looking for lovely people who'd like to go on a fantastic holiday beyond your wildest dreams, at prices lower than you've ever dreamed of, and we were wondering if perhaps you might be one of those people!"
Close second: Chris, with "Get away on a truly fantastic resort holiday at an absolutely ridiculously low price!"
Honorable mentions:
"Come on, Mr Cooper, I know you want to do this!" - Gabrielle, three times during one call
"You sound like a lovely lady..." - Chris, to every female customer
5. Best Phrase Ever
"It'll only take a minute. Just hang up if you get bored."
6 comments:
Excuse me while I run into the laundry and find some bleach to CLEAN MY EYEBALLS! First you post a link on my blog to a man with Hello Kitty's face on his underwear, and then, when I come to visit YOU, I am greeted by the site of a man (?) with Hello Kitty tattooed on his actual butt! Twice! GAH!
Moving right along. Yay for quitting your job. I like mine, and therefore have never done this, but it does sound kind of fun. I'm trying to decide which of the unfortunate surnames are the funniest, but I just can't! Wiggle? Maybe?
Also LOL at the person who, partway through Chris's sales pitch, suddenly seemed to lose their ability to speak English!
Haha, great post.
Yay no more yucky job! :-D Quitting part-way through the day sounds like one of those things everybody should do at least once in their life.
Lepper is easily the most unfortunate surname, because you don't realise how awful it sounds until you've just said it :D - sorry about the profusion of buttocks. I wonder what the proper collective noun for buttocks is. A wrangle of buttocks springs to mind, for some reason.
Jenny: yes totally! A friend of mine's mother quit halfway through the day at some horrid once - walked into her boss' office and said "I've won Lotto, I quit." She is an inspiration.
Haha yeah, actually, Lepper would be pretty bad. Poor children who have those surnames - imagine how much they must be teased at school! :(
HAH! Wrangle of buttocks does sound rather appropriate. No clue why, it just fits!
In other news. Award #2. You can has it. http://holly.normania.net/2009/03/12/honest-scrap-award-and-stating-the-obvious-at-work :D
What would be awesome is if Chris said 'you sound like a lovely man' to every male customer. He probably wouldn't sell too many holidays, but it would be amusing!
Yay for quitting your job! Want to come and work at my job? I think we're on our way to proving to management that we actually need more staff lol.
I'm liking HKArsetat (as a word and idea, not the actual arsetat)
How would it be pronounced? aitch-kay-ar-stat or aitch-kar-stat or hih-kar-stat?
Freaking awesome.
PS. When I worked in telemarketing a customer called me a "phone prostitute". I considered putting that on my resume.
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