Monday, March 09, 2009

Not Shown: Sailor Moon

This was going to be another post o'pictograms, but then there was a huge family argument about sister's Horrid Boyfriend and now I'm kind of really tired, so you only get one. It's Shakespearean. Let it not be said that I lack culture.
Esta es la pregunta.

Spanish is going well! I have become one of those people who sits on the bus muttering to themselves in a foreign language...at first I look mad, but then one realises that actually I am an Intellectual and not to be trifled with. (Either that, or mad and Spanish.) Today on the bus I was sitting beside a large fat man. "Por que es el hombre gordo en mi bus?" I said quietly.

I am glad he did not speak Spanish.

You totally all know this already - everyone in the world who has ever indulged in using public transport knows this - but I'd just like to reiterate that the majority of bus passengers are, as my bus driver father used to say (no, really, he was and he did) the old & the mad & the young & the poor. This may be why it's statistically impossible for any one person to be on a bus for longer than five minutes without someone who possesses at least one of the following traits coming and sitting down next to you.

There's Always Someone...

- Unbelievably old and cantankerous
- Too big for their seat
- Talkative
- Malodorous
- Mad and/or incredibly high
- Either just out of prison or about to go in

Has anyone ever got a BusFlush i.e. sat next to any one co-commuter with at least five of the above qualities? Examples include, but are not limited to, the greasily fat old person who smells like death and tells you about their war years as one eye rolls crazily in their yellowing skull, and the heavily tattooed beefy guy who kind of smells like meat and keeps trying to look down your shirt and lean into you on every corner.

Buses rock if you like spending a lot of time cringing against the wall! I am walking to work tomorrow. Admittedly, there's no money on my MetroCard so I couldn't take the bus anyway, but that's not the point.

Boycott public transport! Walk somewhere! Leave the buses to the old & the mad & the young & the poor!

I wonder if my mother will lend me the fare.

11 comments:

sleep500 said...

Or you could bike. Bikes are cheap as anything on trade me. Then buy some kind of lock or be super-legit and find some chain and a padlock.

MAKE SURE YOU WEAR A HELMET

I got on my bike to go somewhere the other day, forgetting about my helmet for some reason. It was like having sex with a fourteen or fifteen year old outside: the wind was all in my hair and I knew if the cops saw me they wouldn't be that pleased about it. Everyone thought I was cooler, though, for not wearing safety gear/having sex with minors.

a cat of impossible colour said...

I would add 'lecherous' to that list.

And BWA HA HA HA at sleep500's comment about not wearing a helmet being like having sex with a minor outdoors. I am so going to requote that. (Is like recycling, but for quotes).

Holly said...

Heheh I like the pictogram, even if I do know what it is, and don't have the pleasure of guessing anymore.

Hahah! Imagine if Fat Bus Man HAD known Spanish? That could have ended rather badly for you!

Heheh, malodorous might just be my new favourite word. Like melodious, only stinkier.

No I have never had a bus flush, and here's hoping I never do!! *practises frantically for restricted driving test*

Jennifer said...

Ew yeah. I've had old, malodorous and talkative so far this week. No flushes lately though. Still, I like the bus. Good time to listen to music and/or daydream.

I am the young and the poor, and possibly also the mad. I'm heading towards becoming crazy-singing lady on the bus. =D

What's 'Esta es la pregunta'? Is somebody pregnant?

sleep500 said...

I'm pretty sure pregnant in Spanish is "embarrazar" or something - I didn't look it up but I remember reading about "familiar friends" on wikipedia or somewhere else on the Internet.

Parker Pens released an advertisement somewhere in Spanish-land which was a pretty literal translation of: "It won't leak ink in you pocket and embarrass you."
They used "embarrazar" for "embarrass" but that actually means "impregnate" which made the ad pretty funny, I guess.

In hindsight, "pregnant" and "impregnate" are different things, so who knows?

IT IS ALLY said...

Who knows, you ask? I KNOW. 'La pregunta' translates as 'the question,' which I discovered after inadvertently declaring there were pregnancies from the class. (There aren't yet, but you never know, I haven't given up on the cute emo kid.)

The Spanish word for pregnant is in fact 'embarazada.' Which any of you would've known if you'd made a quick visit to Google Translate...God I'm good to you!

I remember reading about that ad. Wasn't 'Come Alive with Pepsi' accidentally translated into 'Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead' in some Asian country or other?

Holly said...

sleep500 & Ally: Ahaha those are awesome! I think I've heard both of those mistranslations before, but I was never sure whether they were actually true, or whether they were urban myths. :D

sleep500 said...

Well, Holly. As you now know, Ally and I are the universally definitive sources for fact.

Please consider referencing us next time you write a thesis.

a cat of impossible colour said...

I have given you an award! Mwa ha ha.

Nathan said...

I take a coach to work - there is one regular passenger that is known only as "the funky smelling guy". If he sits near me and my friends we have to breathe through our scarves. It isn't always enough.

chris.dadness said...

Yo soy el hombre gordo. Yo soy muy furioso e embarrasada, and I don't mean up the duff.

Just kidding. Hi, love your blog and thanks for visiting mine.