Seymour Butts*

* No thanks, I'd rather not

Today's Rockin' Tidbits (don't worry, probably not a regular feature)

- Andrea said I see too many butts. This is probably true. We were talking about people we knew, and she said something along the lines of "I bet his butt is gross" and I said "actually I've seen it it's not so bad" and then she mentioned someone else's gross butt and it turned out I'd seen that one as well. What am I, some kind of weird butt tourist? Late New Year's Resolution: see fewer butts.

- Discovered excellent Thai word, 'vicinathong.' It means, 'possibly the grossest thing I have ever seen.' Extra layer of meaning added if you have a friend called Vic who you would not want to see in a thong. Which I do. And don't. This may be related to butt conversation.

- Discovered excellent Old English word, 'dentard.' Originally meaning 'dentist of less than average intelligence,' it is now just a synonym for 'retard' and 'person who is generally hopeless.' Actually it was a word verification letter combination from last week but still.

- Discovered SF reads blog! Yo! This be a shout-out to mah sista! (Actual sista.)

- Received nicest compliment ever from a friend! Am blowing my own trumpet a bit here (on that note, must remember to get trumpet back from Dad in Nelson. Will send myself an email in a week as a reminder - did you guys know that Time Cave (Google it or something (did you guys know there's a song called I Google You? (youtube it or something))) allows you to write an email then send it to your future self? Awesome, huh. It also allows you to send emails to other people at a time & date of your choosing, presuming that the Internet and email still exist (no post-apocalyptic revelations, sorry: although it would be pretty cool to send an email to yourself 1000 years from now, instruct your descendants to keep the email address open as in 1000 years they'd get an email from Past You, and just have the email saying "I told you this would happen" (or perhaps a "knock knock" joke))). Anyway. Blowing my own diversion. Good friend, who we shall call Anon, said today, after I'd embarked on a particularly skittish train of thought, "you rock." I asked, "why?" because it totally wasn't because of my half-assed command of proper comma use. His reply? "Because you're all over the place, and you do it so well. ^^" Haha. I totally am. But I totally do. Thank you!

- Same friend had a chicken deal go down! Yeah, I know, what? "Well," he said (apologies if I'm misquoting here,) "my [old drug] dealer had all this chicken he didn't want, so I traded him 700g of chicken for half my smokes." That's just how badass Anon is. He has a chicken dealer.

- My impossibly coloured friend Andrea had a dream that she went back in time to the Middle Ages and was revered as a wizard because of her advanced scientific knowledge; I had a dream that I predicted a massacre on a plane but no-one believed me and it took place. We have decided that we are the exception to the 'other people's dreams are boring' rule. (I know that everyone decides that, which is why so many people tell you their boring dreams, but we are different. We are special.)

- Got a message on FindSomeone(Mental) from Steve. "Hi," it said, "I am funny and intellegent."

- Sent a txt to someone from FindSomeone(Mental) - not Steve. I very rarely do this, but in their 'Thoughts' bit (where you fill out your opinion on topics ranging from Children to Housework, it is fascinating) they'd put "ha ha, sex" for their thoughts on 'Sexism.' I sent them a txt (their number was on their page, before you start thinking I am crazy stalker) saying "Can't message you as am not a gold member. Tee hee, member! Drink?" And now we're totally going for a drink next week some time. If we end up getting married I would like it noted that immaturity and dick jokes brought us together. What? I bet tons of great relationships started with a dick joke. A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step! A 50-year marriage starts with a single dick joke. Or, as Andrea says: "90% of marriages are caused by boredom. Mine started with mutual dislike, then gradually changing my mind." (Sorry if that's a misquote.)

- Discovered popular (?) Internet (?) acronym (?- no wait it totally is) cba, or Can't Be Arsed, as in, "I cba doing the dishes." Sometimes it also means 'couldn't be arsed,' as in "I should've done the dishes but I cba." I think it is an Internet slang? Mind you I learnt it from a 16-year-old so it might just be what the kids are saying nowadays. Not to be confused with ctb. That could lead to all sorts of mix-ups better suited to a poorly written farce. A play about people's secret lives on the Internet would be very postmodern I mean boring. It is remarkable that You've Got Mail was a hit, but then that had Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in it, so I guess- oh no, wait, that doesn't help. Hmm.

- Had a good talk with the dog. He was all "bark" and I was all "you be quiet" and he was all "wag wag" and I was all "whatever." (I am trying to say "he was all 'wag wag' and I was all 'whatever'" as often as possible in the hopes that it will magically become funny. (Still no success, huh?))


You know what did not rock today? Trying to restring pearl necklace. Took literally hours and there are still four pearls to go on. I am glaring at them right now. There they are, just sitting on my desk unstrung, mocking me. My hands shake quite a lot (we do not know why; it is not because I am an alcoholic, very funny) and so rethreading things is A Pain In The Arse. Cba with last four beads; would rather chillax. Eww. Chillax is vicinathong. What is not vicinathong is this! It is a graph of how much effort is required to carry out some popular Internet acronyms. By me, obviously. It's fuzzy. Sorry.

I was totally going to put ROFLMAOWMPAMAAABSUMA on there but it wouldn't fit.