Friday, March 06, 2009

Sulk

Ok, so I spent all day today being heinously unprofessional, saying things like, "Oh, well, I'll just tell you about it and if you get bored you can hang up," and I made three sales. Three more sales, need I point out, than I have made in my entire employment to date. (With this company. Not my entire entire employment - ooh, getting off the point.) Fuck. I hate being not-right! That is all I have to say about that. At least I made sales. Sales = money.

Ok so today I went to the Time Doctor. He is a doctor who travels into the future and steals technological advances, then goes back to the Middle Ages and stops the plague in its tracks! Not many people know this, but the Time Doctor essentially saved Europe from a horrible bubonic fate. Oh, what a kidder I am! He's a watchmaker & I dropped my watch in to get some links taken out, I was just lying to try and impress you with my famous and/or magical friends. Sorry.

Speaking of which, today I had lunch with Mothra - it was kind of lame 'cause he was all "oh I was going to invite Godzilla but then he was really weird the other day when we went out for a drink and now I really don't know what's going on with us and maybe I'm just being paranoid but now I'm worried he doesn't really like me and that he just hangs out with me because he feels like he has to because of the whole monsters-who-" and I had to put up with his emo whinging for, like, an hour. Some people. (Moths.)

Ok so today I was thinking about that line in that Poison song that goes "...& every cowboy has a sad, sad song." Why? Why do cowboys always have to be sad? Personally I've always thought being a cowboy would be pretty awesome. If I was a cowboy, this is the song I would have:

Fuck yeah I am a cowboy, out riding on the range
I'm so glad I'm a cowboy & I'd never ever change
My mom said be a lawyer, my dad said join the force
But I'd rather be a cowboy with a big hat and a horse.

I spend my days & nights out a'riding on the prairie
My horse is big and awesome and my beard is lush and hairy
The ladies all start swooning when I stride into a bar -
I don't want a corporate package, I don't want a car!

I never dreamt of luxuries, of thousand-dollar suits
I'd rather have wind in my hair and scorpions in my boots
And I can ride for miles beneath a blazing sun
If I start getting bored, I just whip out my gun!

Fuck yeah! I am a cowboy, out riding on the range
I'm so glad I'm a cowboy & I'd never ever change
My mom said be a lawyer, my dad said join the force
But I'd rather be a cowboy with a big hat and a horse.


Those folks that love the city, well, I guess that's kinda fair
But they'll never shoot a rattler, while trying to fight a bear,
While rawhidin' a dogie, while waving a lassoo...
Don't tell me that's the kind of thing that you don't want to do!

Redundancy and taxes don't matter much to me
Out there ropin' cattle is where I'm meant to be
Upon a tree I hang my hat, beneath the stars I sleep
& if I get too lonely I can always find a sheep!

Fuck yeah I am a cowboy, out riding on the range
I'm so glad I'm a cowboy & I'd never ever change
My mom said be a lawyer, my dad said join the force
But I'd rather be a cowboy with a big hat and a horse.

You know I will totally give you a live rendition of that, as well. All you have to do is ask. Mothra will do backing vocals. Bridge currently under production.

In other, non-cowboy related news, I'm working tomorrow. It's a Saturday! Why am I doing this? What is wrong with my brain? Also today at work I sold a holiday product to Mrs Death. Easy on the puns now, kiddies.

2 comments:

Jennifer said...

Yay sales! :-)

"My horse is big and awesome and my beard is lush and hairy" -> Best lyric ever.

Mrs Death? Lol. I always wonder why names like that don't get weeded out of the name pool. And how they got there in the first place. Not that I have anything against Death as a surname, it just seems like the sort of thing one would avoid where possible.

Holly said...

Damn! I'd have been pissed too, but yay for sales! 3 in one day sounds impressive. :)

Lol at the Time Doctor. His real occupation is not nearly as exciting as the one you created for him. I'm sure if you told him about it he would be very dissatisfied with his life, and wish he really was a magical dude who saved the world.

The cowboy song is awesome, especially the mental image of the lush and hairy beard.

Mrs. Death. Teehee! *would make a pun but cannot think of one in current sleep-deprived state*