that's what she said, and she's yo mama!
Hello, everyone! Sorry, firstly about that blatantly unfunny yo mama comment, and secondly about the fairly weird blogging schedule at the moment, it's been a fairly weird sort of a week.
Weird enough, in fact, that Monday's Thought of the Day ("...and the abortion clinic will have an Arnold Schwarzenegger theme, and it will be called The Terminators: Hasta la Vista, Baby!") seemed more or less on the normal side of freakin' crazy. Anyway, things have settled, and I am back. ("Just like your fetus won't be!") More news later.
Took the dog to the beach today - he is now all wet and gritty. And friendly. Very friendly. As Andrea said, "a wet dog is the lovingest" - which reminded me that today I was going to blog about some little-known yet true proverbs.
Little known because most of them are made up by me - apart from the turd one, which is from Andrea.
High spirits through hard spirits!
This is not a proverb so much as it is my life motto.
Make your own fun!
This is another life motto of mine - an exasperated friend shouted it at me once after about 20 straight minutes of complaints about the fun I wasn't having.
You can't polish a turd (Andrea)
Not without getting your hands all turdy. (It's a metaphor.)
EDIT: Andrea does not claim to have created this phrase, but she did bring it to my attention.
A Drunken Embrace leads to Egg on the Face
This is also metaphorical. Usually. Either way, they're wise words
Friends are like windscreen wipers - they're a barrier when things get hard, and they prevent accidents.
Actually condoms are also kind of like windscreen wipers.
Friendships are like sexual encounters - the longest ones aren't always the best
Love is like a hedgehog. Cute, but filthy.
Looking for love is like looking for the bathroom in an unfamiliar house in the middle of the night - frustrating and confusing, but ultimately a huge relief
Friends are like analogies. Mine are awesome.
I'd also like to offer a fairly immature bastardization of 'opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one and they all stink': Opinions are like assholes. I think that yours is shitty.
Sadly, those are all the proverbs I have for now.
Here are two of my favourite things to watch on youtube at the moment - these are both amusing songs written by people more entertaining than me. You should maybe listen to them.
An educational song about the Batfly, a wingless, eyeless, guano-eating fly that lives on bats. Sample lyric: "So what if I eat guano? I am a batfly!"
She's Too Fat Polka
Insanely catchy song my father used to sing a lot. Sample lyric: "I don't want her, you can have her, she's too fat for me."