A Thing! A Thing!

Good Morning, Everybody! The lovely Baglady - or should I say Taglady - tagged me in one of those Answer Questions About Yourself things. I remember Andrea doing this one recently, but I don't think I self-tagged and she is very fair about not tagging people for fear of leaving other people out. I'm really sorry if I've done this before. You should go and read both of their blogs, actually - Baglady's because her survey answers are more interesting than mine will probably be, and Andrea's because she wrote a very intelligent post on accepting and giving literary critique. Anyway, here it is -


What is your current obsession?
There is, in a Wild Pair outlet store not far from here, a pair of 6" black platforms that I have fallen madly in love with. I tried for hours to find a photo of them, but I couldn't. I tried to draw them in Paint, but it looked more like an alien trying to eat a surfboard than the most beautiful shoes ever.

Artist's impression.

They look kind of like these, but way sexier. Same heel, but shinier and higher and with straps, not buckle.

I love these as well - they come in white and hot pink, as well as the below colour scheme.

It would probably be courteous at this point to mention the boy in Auckland who I am also currently obsessed with, but until he buys me a pair of those shoes he's definitely second in line.

What is your weirdest obsession?
Are we talking obsession, or fetish? Ok, obsession. Just thought I'd get that straight.
I have a few weird ones. For instance - and I've mentioned this before - the shower curtain has to be open at night, in case I wake up for a 3am pee and there is someone hiding in the shower with an axe. I also crush eggshells before throwing them out. So maybe they're not that weird. Maybe if you wanted weird, you should've asked about fetishes.

Coffee or tea?
Coffee. I like tea a lot, but if I could only drink one or the other for the rest of my life it would definitely be the devil's diarrhea.

What’s for dinner?
It was going to be a roast chicken - I have recently mastered the roaster's art - but apparently defrosting first is advised or even compulsory, so now it's probably going to be a packet of noodles, a piece of cheese, and a chunk of almond Christmas cake icing from a packet I found in the pantry last week. Like manna from Heaven, it was.

What 5 words best describe you?
Talks a lot, mostly shit.

What was the last thing you bought?
Coffee.

What are you listening to right now?
Some movie that Kate and her Horrid Boyfriend are watching in the next room. Also the dog, who is sitting at my feet talking to himself. "Hrrumm?" he asks himself. "Hrruuummm," he confirms with no little satisfaction. Sounds like a schizophrenic Pooh Bear holding a meeting about hunny.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Goody Goody Gumdrops.

What do you think of the person(s) who tagged you?
Excellent blog! Also one of my first non-real-life-friend regular readers, so she will always have a special place in my blog heart.

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Haha...Auckland. What a waste of a free travel hour.

Which language do you want to learn?
I'm actually going to agree with Baglady on this one and say Russian, although I should probably master Spanish first. I'd also like to learn Greek. AND LATIN AND ITALIAN AND 'MERICAN AND ALL THE LANGUAGEZZZ

What is your favorite colour?
Red. Blue. Yellow. Damn it they are colours! I was going to remove this dumb question - you're allowed to remove one and replace it with a better one - but then I saw 'what is your dream job' and that just had to go.

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?
Probably my black strapless cocktail dress - I have many more interesting items of clothing (jumpsuit, floor-length red velvet gown, 3-piece peach crimpolene suit) but the dress is really quite lovely. And it goes with my favourite shoes.

What is your dream job?
As previously mentioned, I am going to remove this question. I am allowed to do that, check the rules at the bottom. Why are the rules at the bottom, anyway?

What is your favourite body part? Of your own.
This is the question I just added. I like my eyes. What do you like? (About me. Not about you.)

What is your worst habit?
Well, this was a big field, but we have managed to narrow it down. I drink milk straight from the carton and scoop peanut butter out of the jar with my finger. I drink too much; I smoke. I am completely neurotic and tend to assume people don't like me; I am also strikingly arrogant.

What's your party trick?
Before we get onto me, did you know that Baglady can tie a knot in a cherry stalk with her tongue? I have never known anyone who can actually do that before, and I kind of thought it was an urban myth - my admiration is boundless! My party trick, however, is reading Tarot cards - I used to take them with me when I went out. I believe the line was, "Tell you your future if you buy me a beer."

Do you admire any one’s style?
I pretty much admire anyone who actually has a consistent style. I am nowhere near organised enough for that kind of thing.

Describe your personal style?
'Not Obviously Dirty.'

What are you going to do after this?
Make some coffee and play on the internet. Read over this and wonder if it is entertaining enough for my highly entertaining blog. (Am reading over it now; quite a lot had to be changed to meet my exacting standards of entertainment.) Flirt over messenger. The usual.

What are your favourite movies?
This question was very close to being eliminated.

What is your favorite fruit?
Melon. Oh my GOD, melon. And yams, if they were a fruit. I know they're not, but I just wanted to talk about how insanely fucking delicious yams are. And kumara. And seedless grapes. And nectarines.

What inspires you?
Food? Apart from that and coffee I'm more or less driven by an insane fear of mediocrity. What, isn't that what drives everyone?

Your favorite book?
At the moment it's The Book Thief, but Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash is a perennial favourite.

Do you collect something?
Haiku? Haha. No, I don't really. I do have an awful lot of polished semi-precious stones, but it's a static collection really (the rocks don't move about a lot, being rocks) and it isn't increasing. Unless, unbeknownst to me, they have started breeding. I should go and check. Maybe I have invented a new rock. Rock species.

What is your favorite smell?
This is not a very interesting question. I like the following smells: lemon, candyfloss, cinnamon, star anise, bread baking, melted white chocolate, why are these all food smells? BECAUSE I AM HUNGRY

What are you most proud of?
Not being dead! As should you be. Lots of people would be by now.

How many times do you press the snooze button before you get up?
Living my luxurious yet povertous* life of unemployment means I don't have to wake up at any given time, so this question doesn't really apply. However back when I was a respectable, contributing member of society, I pushed it once.

Cats or dogs?
Dogs. I spend enough time worrying about people behaving weirdly and not being affectionate that I don't need an animal that does the same. Sorry, cat people, but they do. Dogs are remarkably uncomplicated emotionally.

What’s your biggest fashion mistake?
Ahahahah. When I was about 10, I had not one but two pairs of royal blue stirrup pants with a double gold stripe down the side. I've made many a fashion mistake, but that's my favourite. Especially now that the hipster kids have started wearing them.

Complete the following: Love is...
...promising not to break someone's penis
...all around us? ...in the air? ...not lost, just hard to find? wait, no, that is nitrogen.
Fuck, I don't know. Maybe love is getting up at 8am when it's really fucking cold because one of you has to make the coffee and he's too hungover? Or wanting to wake up every day for the rest of your life next to the same person, no matter how fat they have become?
No, I'm pretty sure that's not it.
Maybe love is agreeing to get married in a cave. Who would know.

What's the best life lesson you've learnt?
Kindness is awesome & you should always be kind. It's not very catchy but it's fucking true.

If you could be a fly on the wall in any person's living room, who would it be?
I...wow, good question. I'd like to say a famous writer, painter or songwriter, so that I could watch the creative process; but it would totally be Clive Owen, so I could watch him get in the bath. Which I am assuming is in his living room. And I am also assuming that every so often he invites all of his sexy famous friends round for a party in the bath.

I'm meant to be tagging people - I'm going to be lazy and tag everyone who hasn't done this already and ask that please, if you do carry it on, leave a comment so I can come and read it. Charlie, Conor, Darnielle, Kaileigh...I'm looking at you.

* 'povertous' is a word I made up. It means 'afflicted by poverty,' as in "he had only his own lewdness to blame for his current povertous circumstances." It can also be used metaphorically, as in, "the recession held us all in its povertous thrall." Maybe you should start using it.