I know it's not on the menu, but...

So Conor has created a sandwich and I can't decide whether it's revolting or awesome.

It's called the BARF (Bacon And Related Foods) and is comprised of fried chicken, bacon, gravy and cheese. Instead of bread, it's sandwiched between two hash browns. I don't know whether to feel hungry or ill or possibly a bit of both - it is a stomach-confusing sort of food, like steak wrapped in smoked cheese slices wrapped in bacon. Is there any food which is not improved by cheese? No. Not really. I made a list:

Things Which Cheese Improves

- Everything.


Had a dream that I was a freedom fighter telling my grandchildren about my days in the Gold Army. The most interesting thing about the Gold Army was that we marched into battle on stilts and wore bucket-shaped gold helmets, which presumably struck fear into the hearts of our enemies. It's kind of a shame that modern armies wear khaki and camouflage - I know it's practical, but an army of people wearing scarlet and gold and charging into battle riding motorbikes with dragon heads on the handlebars would be much more awe-inspiring. Especially if they had specially trained war dogs that were bred to be enormous and loped into battle alongside the motorbikes, or possibly sat in the sidecar barking furiously.

Then again, perhaps not. The hat might have been a bit much. (The dog is wearing a grille on his teeth, too.)

Better post tomorrow, people. I have to stop saying that, because eventually you're all going to figure out that I'm lying. Different post tomorrow!