Monday, July 13, 2009

Space Litigation

What a day it has been - the dog vomited,the computer broke and we lost the pub quiz to a team called Jenna Tahlia.

I signed on to the computer this morning and it said cheerfully, "Your user profile has become corrupted" and I've spent the rest of the day trying to transfer old files to a new user account and blah blah blah I may love you, technology, but DAMN do I dislike you sometimes.

Kate had her first day at nursing school today - came home and said, "Did you know 'fatty acid' is a technical term? Fatty Acid is quite a good rapper name," then shoved half a hotdog but into her face and went to work. She's going to make a good nurse.

My brain is all slushy from fucking around with technology all day then trying to dredge up pub quiz facts (what is the name of that cricket captain, the one whose team visited NZ recently and who kept hitting all the sixes? this is still annoying me). I was going to do a thing, you know, one of those things where you do it then tag other people, but I can't tag anyone because my browser is fucked up and may not be running scripts or something - anyway, I can't get it to create italics right now and it may not publish this, so hyperlinking is Right Out.

What I am going to do instead is tell you about my exciting future in Space Litigation. Space Litigation* is a special branch of law that covers pretty much anything that happens not-on-Earth. This is what the recruitment campaign will look like:


Need to sue an alien host for mining rights to Pluto?

Interspecies relationship gone sour? Wondering whose home planet gets to keep the children?

Suspect you've been duped by an interplanetary pyramid scheme?

Want to lobby for stronger laser control laws?

Forgot to patent your jet boots on a couple of Jupiter's minor moons?

Fellow astronaut dumped in your poop chute?


YOU NEED SPACE LITIGATION.

***

Seriously, though, SL is the future. It is all very well to run excitedly through the NASA corridors shouting about finding new planets and so on, but what happens when we discover a planet made of fondant and the Russians discover it at the same time? What happens when we discover a dim-witted, highly enslaveable alien race and need to (legally) take their rights away?

More importantly, what happens when one of our younger astronauts gets over-excited and draws a huge penis on the Moon?**

Enter Space Litigation, the final frontier of the law! I will advise the public at large on how to settle intergalactic territory disputes in a civilized manner, who gets the children/larva at Christmas, and exactly what crime to charge that young astronaut with. For a fee, of course. For a fee.


In other news, if there is enough interest then for my 300th post I will shave my head & draw a picture on it & take a photo & blog it.



*thanks to Keith for the idea

** "Aliens! It was aliens!"

2 comments:

Gary said...

Thats a touchy subject, I would stick to religeon and sex. Lawyers eh *shudders*

One of Nasa's founding principles was no lawyers in space.

It was based on a need to only have essential items on missions.

Mainly to keep to weight limits yet studies did find lawyers (and drycleaners) took up around 40% more resources in a capsule than most other occupations.

Charlie said...

Space litigation could indeed go places I often wondered what to do in situations like that.

What do you mean by draw something on your head after you've shaved it, like with a marker? or do you mean like shave something in your head? I wouldn't mind seeing that! although wouldn't that make the job hunting a tad hard...