Saturday, December 05, 2009

20 More Sleeps*

*sorry to keep reminding you

So I was standing in the supermarket today, trying to decide between the shampoo with honeyed pears and silk extract, and the shampoo with raspberry leaf and satin extract, when it suddenly struck me how ridiculous that was and I snorted loudly and grabbed the nearest off-brand men's shampoo from the shelf and left the supermarket in a terrible temper. Also because I was angry I bought a whacking great bag of chips and ate them on the way home, still stomping and snorting like some kind of filthy-haired dinosaur.

Then I went home and read my library book and found that some snot-nosed, anal retentive prig had borrowed the book before me and had corrected the printing errors, of which there were several every few chapters, as they went along. This dickbag habit really annoys me. Yes, smarty pants, we all see that 'they' should have been printed instead of 'the,' and 'same' instead of 'some.' There is absolutely no need for you to get out your pen, write in the 'y', and change the 'a' to an 'o'. It is pompous - 'look what I found, with my enormous brain, ten times larger than that of any editor' - and it breaks the flow of reading; and also I'm pretty sure it counts as defacing a library book. I'm going to tell on you when I return the book. I hope the library FINDS you and FINES you and do you see what I did there? A horrible thing, that's what.

In Good News, I have the Christmas Parade tomorrow. Wish me luck. Those of you who are into that kind of thing might like to pray for me.

3 comments:

Shirley Dockerill said...

wow libraries; how i miss them. the old musty smells, the wonderment at finding a new author who appeals, the hushed tones and wisperings and creaky wooden floorboards.

Shirley Dockerill said...

but you're right about finding comments in the books from other people - that would piss me off too.

Andy said...

fsss fsss

Do you think it would be a Woman or a Man that is doing said crimes?