Tuesday, December 01, 2009

23 More Sleeps


Subheading: Christmas Dinner.

Christmas Dinner (capitals are deserved, there are 13 of us attending) is at our house this year. The best thing about having Christmas Dinner at our house is that I get to appoint myself Head of Seating Arrangements. It's the best thing because if, for example, one of your relatives has recently annoyed you, you can retaliate by placing them between Nana (somewhat deaf but a very good lip-reader) and Uncle John (thinks Nana is profoundly deaf so shouts at her), and pretend that it was just the way that things turned out - also, you can put the two people most likely to quibble over obscure points of theology at the same end of the table, and yourself at the other end, and thus is Christmas passed happily.

The worst thing about our family's Christmas is that apart from a modest glass of wine with the meal, we do not really drink. So my house will be full of Relatives, all of whom will be asking well-meaning questions about My Direction in Life (usual response: "It is like the direction of a balloon you have just let go of the end of") and I will be full of Sobriety. Bleeeeeh.

We are having:

A Turkey. This is a Tradition, and if we did not have a Turkey then we would all Explode. Mum is in charge of the Turkey because a) she knows how long to cook it for and b) she knows how to stuff it without getting her hand stuck in the end (I do not).

New Potatoes. This is not a Tradition, but Nana, with the mindless enthusiasm of the well-meaning elderly, planted a buttload of potatoes this year and we have to do something with them. Mum is boiling these because I am too good for such menial duties.

Roast Vegetables. These have taken the place of Peas, Beans & Carrots (which are Traditional, but which I have Vetoed.) There will be Pumpkin, Kumara, Yams, and Onion. I am making this. There will not be Parsnip because I do not like it, I think it is an appalling vegetable, and will not tolerate it in my Roast Vegetable Medley, no matter how much everyone else likes it. This is another bonus to having Christmas Dinner at your house.

Cranberry and Mint Jelly. These will come out of Jars and be made in a Factory.

A Green Salad. This is unprecedented, but apparently the absence of Peas means that we need Something Green. (This is not my rule.) Fuck knows who is making this, but it will not be me.


DESSERT

Tiramisu. I am going to bust out some kind of Christmas version. No idea what will be in it yet, except whiskey.

Berries, Cream, and Little Meringues. Another Tradition. Will be supplied by Aunt (she doesn't know that she'll be supplying them yet, but she will.)

Christmas Pudding. Made by Nana, cooked by Nana, set alight by Mum because I am not responsible enough to do it.

Brandy Sauce. Ew. Made by Mum, scorned by all.



Is anyone else having CD at their house? Are you excited?

10 comments:

Tooting Squared said...

I am hosting CD at my house, but only for three. We'll be having turkey and stuffing and sausages wrapped in bacon and two types of potatoes and peas and carrots and beans and red cabbage and sprouts (bleugh) and cranberry sauce and gravy ... in memory of the little baby Jesus.

Holly said...

Christmas Dinner is not at my house this year (was our turn last year) so I am not responsible for very much, luckily.

Your Christmas Dinner seating arrangement sounds a lot more exciting than mine, lol!

13 people! That's a lot. We have...6, maybe 5.

Joff said...

Just because the rest of your family is sober, doesn't mean you have to be.

I suggest getting toasted, then re-creating the onsie dance, at some particuarly sombre moment.

Andy said...

Should be bunting flying all over the house.. looks like a grand plan.

Gifts & Melbourne: I hear there is a dwarfish theme park so Kate should fit in fine.

bring back the mix tape.. remind them how cool you are & how cool they are not... or pick stuff they might like instead... oh oh & maybe on a CD

in case you need/want ideas for what you could do to some
Cassette tapes


people like things made by hand... trust me, no matter how gimpy!!

a cat of impossible colour said...

Two words:

HIP FLASK

Or one hyphenated word, depending on your preference:

HIP-FLASK

Christmas dinner is with the in-laws this year. Generously will flow the booze, after lunch we'll have a snooze, not much Christmas weight I'll lose ... insert crass comment about poos here.

Baglady said...

This year we will mostly be having Christmas dinner in Spain on holiday. Assuming we can find somewhere that is open and haven't made a terrible mistake in deciding to go away. Fingers crossed.

No sprouts!

wv - splauti. What sprouts make your bottom do. Bad.

Ashley Louise said...

My holiday dominating grandmother moved to Arizona (a place I greatly loathe) two years ago. They moved from their rather large house that could fit my family of 9 my three grandparents, and various other relatives and people from off the street (I am actually not joking about that, to a 2 bedroom tiny house with no yard in Pheonix. Pheonix has nothing to do. We do not spend Christmas with them and now host CD with my sister's husband and in-laws. My family cooks everything from scratch and then our kitchen is a mess for a month. It is jolly.

IT IS ALLY said...

Tooting2 - he did love gravy, the LBJ. I forgot to mention that we will also be having gravy. What are the two types of potatoes? This confuses me.

Holly - If you like, we can swap.

Joff - I know. Also, I'm already _that_ family member, so might as well get toasted. "I'm just going to go and do the brandy sauce." And then reappear in onesie. AND DANCE

Andy - Yes! Mix tapes are where it's at although really mix mp3 playlists are probably MORE where it's at.

Andrea - bits of stuffing in your poos? YES HIP FLASK (prefer two words)

Baglady - Immeasurably jealous. Why can't my CD be in Spain? Whinge, whinge.

AL - it soumds jolly, but am not sure I could handle a whole month of Christmas cooking without going completely nuts. Literally. They would find me in a catatonic state, covered in cream and pecans, with a wodge of almond icing shoved in my mouth and a bottle of sherry clutched in my hand. Rocking gently to myself and singing "Good King Wenceslas" over and over.

apple cheeked, potato shaped girl said...

one of our CD's is at our place - yes we have 2. one with dad's family one with mum's. Used to be lunch with dad's dinner with mum all on christmas day but as the grandkids (my generation - 21 in total) have started reproducing at an alarming rate and many have in-laws in other areas we now have it the weekend before somtimes a BBQ this year its pot luck.

For mum's everyone (OK the females) brings something.

Things that are always there

Ham on the bone
Roast chicken
New potatos (from grans garden)
green salad
pasta salad
tabouli (only introdued in the last 10 years)
garlic bread
Pavlova
chocolate log or chocolate gateau
Trifle
jellies
steamed (xmas) pudding
fruit salad
Tropical fruit platter
bowls and bowls of berries
Cheese platter

those are just the basics other probabilties include:

pear and chocolate tart (mine)
lemon and berry tart
pecan pie
Cousous salad
spinch and fete pie
lamb or beef
mussels, crayfish, srimp or the last of our whitebate stash.

things we will not have:

Turkey - yuck. the few people who would eat it wont if we have other meats.

even with the 21 comfimed guests it's a lot but everyone has to take home their own left-overs plus we have an open house so you never know who else might apear.

and this is then repeted at Hogmanay (new years - also at my place) except with additional savouries and finger food after midnight.

apple cheeked, potato shaped girl said...

sorry for the ridiculously long comment which i couldn't even be asred checking for typos.

also forgot the most important thing - i am also "that family member" (no surprises there as i am also "that friend"

I am drinking

Slushy Margaritas - they are green and thus festive. will also help prevent heat stroke

- i have stripped our lime tree and fozen the juice so i'll just have to blend with the booze

singpore sling - red and sparkling, also festive

bubbles - just plain yum

what are you doing for new years? I know your not going to drag your ass up here but you are welcome :-)