These are all from last Saturday's paper. And I barely even touched the Property section.
"Residents just oozes charm."
"A Beach home with a garden full of mediterranean magic. Water life abound with the ocean or local pool only a few blocks away." I do not want to swim in that pool.
"Loved by all of her grandchildrens."
""Wanaka" Timeshare." Not actually in Wanaka?
"A large modern home requires a flatmate overlooking river with spa and all mod cons."
"Rooms to rent in homely villa-style house..." Poor house. How rude.
"HEAVY LAMBS WANTED." This isn't a typo. It's just a weird ad (if you're not a farmer).
"TAVERN DUTY MANGER REQUIRED." In case the Babyjesus comes back and needs somewhere to sleep? I guess it is the right season for it.
"Wanted: NURSE with Dementia, caring experience required..." Nice comma.
"We have a permanent fulltime position for a passionate teacher of Technology; ability to teach food and fabric may be an advantage." I find food hard to teach, it has a very short attention span.
"Teacher aide wanted for very high special needs child." Stop letting him get high! That is why he is special needs.
My team leader is talking about how there are aliens among us. I just had an argument with a Scottish funeral director. Searching the death notices online has brought up ads: "Shop for Recent deaths, Compare Prices Find more Recent deaths you'll love." Thanks Kaboodle. My job is odd sometimes. Off for a bagel now.