Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Two Customers

I just had an argument with a man who was placing an escort ad. He places a lot of these ads - he is one of the less classy pimps - and every time he does, he tries to get something obscene printed. (We have business rules around what you can and can't put in the paper - basically it's about being tasteful. Most ads read, "Candy, sexy slim Asian, DD, for your ever desire." Or something like that. And he knows this.)

This is how the conversation went.
Me: "OK, so how does the ad read?"
"Skyla, 25, deep twat."
"Deep twat. T-W-A-T."
"I'm...I'm sorry, but you can't say that."
"OK. Change it to 'deep what?' then, with a question mark after it. Hur hur hur."
"I'm not putting that in the paper."
"Why not?"
"You know why not. It's a newspaper, not a-" I'm glad he cut me off here.
"Down and dirty, then."
"You used to be able to say 'down and dirty.' I want that to go in. "
"You've never been able to say that."
"What about naughty kitten?"
"Naughty kitten is fine. Skyla, 25, naughty kitten."
Ewwww. He does this every time he rings. Normally it's not quite that bad, though.

Phone rings.

"Welcome to Classifieds, you're speaking with Ally."
"Hi. Whereabouts in the Square are your offices?"
"Right behind the Cathedral - big old stone building, has the name of the paper written on it in huge letters, hard to miss."
"Oh...oh." Pause. "I'm behind the cathedral now. I'm by a pub."
The pub is next door to our building. There are no extra buildings in the way.
"Oh. Um, ok, which way are you facing?"
"I guess east."
This was a stupid question for me to ask because I do not know which way east is.
"OK, can you see where the road turns, behind the Cathedral, where the trams go?"
"We're right there on the corner. There are a couple of benches, and two large trees, and a couple of flags flying from the building."
"I...I see the flags, and the trees. But I still don't see the building."
The building is LARGE.
"Ok. What colour shirt are you wearing? I'm going to come down and get you."
Went downstairs and she's approaching the building.
" was right there."

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