Monday, January 11, 2010

Weiners of the Week

Miley Cyrus - got a tattoo saying "Just Breathe" under her left boob. Says she got it as a tribute to her late grandfathers and one of her closest friends, who died of cystic fibrosis, because "I mean, breathing — that was something none of them could do, the most basic thing. And I put it near my heart, because that is where they will always be." Nice sentiment, but retarded explanation. Bonus weiner points for saying that it didn't hurt because the meaning behind the tattoo took some of the pain away. Sheesh, Miley. "And I put it under my boob. Because they will always be under my boob." I kind of wish she would write a song called Under My Boob. Or maybe cover Under The Sea. (Chorus: Under her boob/ Under her boob/ What did she do, tacky tattoo, under her boob.)


The team at stuff.co.nz - It's a news site which apparently doesn't feel proofing is a necessary part of journalism, leading to headlines like "executioner misses rehersal", sentences like "...he recently admitted he finds it "scary" taking on work outside of the 'Twilight' franchise "scary"" and, of course, the legendary "Michael Jackson's death 'homocide.'" Who gave these people their journalism degrees? Slash jobs?

Bus Stop Snoggers - these seem to usually be foreign couples (I'm a little bit racist) - who launch into enormous makeout sessions at inner-city bus stops. "Oh! Darling! You're going to Bryndwr, we may never meet again! Snog snog snog snog snog." Ew. You're totally going to see her, like, tomorrow.

Blonde Bleeding-Heart Hippy - Andrea and I met her at a party the other night. She was one of those intolerable people who has visited a country for six weeks but starts stories with, "When I was living in Argentina..." and then wanks on about how the culture is just so, you know, derivative, and the native peoples do not have a culture of their own, and she really, you know, identifies. Give it up. You're a weiner. Hey, weiner, tell us a bit about your weiner culture.

The linear nature of the temporal dimension - or, if you will, FUCK DEADLINES. There is never enough time for anything. Fuck you, Time.

People protesting about extreme adventure tourism not being safe - OK, I see their point, death is not nice but it's called 'extreme adventure tourism,' not 'trip to the petting zoo' tourism. What made you think it was going to be safe? Why are you setting up a taskforce? Is there nothing on daytime TV?

Hone Harawira - Is a grade-A fuckstick in many ways (for those of you who are unaware of him, he is an NZ MP who went to a three-day conference in Europe on government money then on one of those days called in sick and took his wife to France and claimed he was entitled to do so; then when he came home he sent an email about "white motherfuckers" raping (his words, not mine) Maori land (about 200 years ago us naughty whiteys gave the natives a crap deal - one of those land-for-beads deals - and now we are paying them large amounts of money), and while I appreciate that everyone has their opinion and that some of those opinions are hugely racist I'm pretty sure that when you're being paid by the country you're meant to show a little respect for the sizable percentage of the country who fall under the white motherfucker blanket). I am all for controversial politics but if I had behaved like that at work I would've been fired - the blatant lie about the sick day probably would've been enough - and that is what should have happened to him. However, he was lightly rapped upon the knuckles and made to apologise. I was annoyed then, but now he is saying that NZ didn't like it when he called them white motherfuckers not because it was a blatantly racist comment, not to mention a huge generalisation (I, for one, have never raped either my mother or the land that Mr Harawira seems to think belongs to him), but we didn't like it because NZers don't like "looking at themselves in the mirror."
Wait. Did he just call us white motherfuckers again? Why have we not fired this man? I don't really do politics, and I appreciate that he's very popular in his (presumably not hugely white) electorate, but come on. There is a line. Fire his weiner ass!

John Mayer, King of the Weiners - Here's this week's interview excerpt from him.
'He gets fed up with me when I ask a few questions about the paparazzi and their attentions. “There’s this unbelievable curiosity that people have about what it must be like to be me. And as evidenced by how much of a chunk of this conversation has been about it — I almost feel like sometimes you’re deviating from what you would even write for your paper and it’s just a fascination with what’s it like to wake up and be me.”' - Times Online.
That's right, John Mayer. It happens to me all the time - I'll just be sitting on a bus, sipping my coffee, and then bam! it hits me. "God, I wish I knew what it was like to be John Mayer. He's just so fascinating."

5 comments:

a cat of impossible colour said...

Ally, I have this unbelievable curiosity about what it's like to be you. I just have this fascination with what it would be like to wake up and, like, BE YOU.

wv = herpes! Haha.

Michelle said...

Those are great. What a bunch of weiners. I'm glad somebody else picked up on the appalling proof-reading skills (and Journalism) of stuff.co.nz. Last week they had an article that was about 3 celebrities, and the names of two of the 3 were spelt wrong, I commented and abused them, and they fixed one, but the other was still wrong. Dumb asses.

Keep up the good work. (you, not them)

wv: thadmogg: south-east Asian arthropod that dwells in faecal-piles at the bottom of long-drops and stings unsuspecting tourists.

Fraser Dron said...

"Just breathe" is kind of a dickish thing to say to someone with cystic fibrosis, really.

TbR said...

AAARGH! Bus stop snoggers! Every morning I see a a couple eating face on the platform as I'm waiting for my train. I could get on a different carriage but I refuse. I much prefer glaring at them with angry eyes and muttering 'Oh for God's sake' when he helps her loosen the strap on her bag.

otherworldlyone said...

More weiners.

John Mayer is a tool. Another word for weiner.