Weiners of the Week

Kayakers - in general they are kind of douchebags (the cyclists of the sea, if you will) but last week two of them jumped the weiner shark (does that sound rude to anyone else?) in a rather dramatic way. They decided to go for a nice kayak down a big river. That's coo'. However, the powers that be had issued a weather warning - in fact, they had issued it directly to these exact kayakers - that went, "Dear Kayakers: Don't go out today, the river is Dangerous and Swollen" (that's a good slogan for something.) The kayakers, being kayakers, went out anyway. Some time later an empty kayak was spotted spinning down the river, and Search & Rescue went out to search for, and eventually rescue, the kayakers. S&R then announced that the kayakers, by virtue of being stupid, had to pay the $4000 bill. (S&R hardly ever do this.) The kayakers said that they did not ask to be rescued, and therefore they were Not Going To Pay. Weiners!

People Who Do Theatresports - if you need an explanation of this then you, too, are a weiner. See also: that certain brand of Theatre People who treat every social occasion as an opportunity to talk too loudly and, eventually, do their monologue.

Tourism Auckland, who are trying to shut down John Kairau, a Maori guy who has taken to wearing a cloak, drawing on a 'felt-pen moko' and charging tourists $5 to have their photo taken with a 'real Maori.' I am all for this entrepreneurial spirit, especially as he said, "I am not doing this for financial interests. It is for cultural [reasons]. However, it is rather lucrative." Hahahaha. Tourism Aux are just shitty that they didn't think of it first. The weiners. What happened to Supporting Local Businesses?

People who send stupid txts to everyone on their contacts list - "*~*~* If u get ths msg it means u r a Fun Fearless Female!!1 *** send 2 all ur gals n dnt 4get 2 snd it bak to me :) *~*~* " ...and that's the first time you've heard from them in months. Also weiners: people who invite everyone on their Facebook friends list to join their Cause of the Week ("SAVE WELLINGTON'S FRUIT!") (although probably without the apostrophe). Along the same lines, my Christchurch-inhabitant friend recently received a sent-to-all fckbk message asking if she knew anyone who wanted a flatmate...in America. Sigh. Weiners.

thescenekidz.webs.com - It's Facebook. But for scene kids. I want to make it not be on the Internet any more. Also, did you guys know there is a wikihow on how to be a scene kid, and it's totally serious? Contains gems like "Find a word that isn't heard often, and then add it to your name, such as Penelope Poetry, Grace Giddy, Lee lightning, Melissa Melancholy, etc." and "When you type on things like AIM or Myspace, add extra letters to your words." Did you know that "Scene hair is just the same as emo hair, but with more color and personality?" WEINERRRRS. Man, they are in for a huge shock when they eventually gets jobs (not at Subway).

The Notebook (movie), anyone involved with - this is going be a bit controversial but fuck, I hated that movie so much.

The NZ blogger who keeps ignoring court name suppression orders and publishing details of the cases, and parties involved, on his website. He is pretending that he really cares about our (admittedly sometimes not great) name suppression laws but a) while he is garnering publicity there is already a review of these in place and b) the way to change laws is not to run around ignoring them and c) the whole thing is blatantly just a huge PR exercise to raise his blog stats, which is why I am not posting a link to it here. When it was pointed out that what he was doing was illegal and he might be prosecuted, he said, "I'm sure the police have better things to do." What a weiner.

Tom Cruise - do we really need a reason? Imagine if he and John Mayer hosted a talkshow together. Speaking of which...

John Mayer, King of the Weiners! Here he is, telling us a bit about himself - "I aggressively try to mastermind the unmastermindable. I apply science to things where there is no science."
Here he is again, talking about why he can never leave Twitter - "When you neuter your own Twitter account, you show fear. I think you show fear when you delete it -- it would show defeat. ... And I have a problem showing defeat." Oh, John Mayer. I wish someone would neuter you.


ps: if you don't like this whole WotW thing I am sorry but I absolutely love it and it is staying.