Sunday, March 21, 2010

Land of the One Night Stand*

*this wasn't meant to be a post about sex but sadly it is. Small children, stop reading now. I'll tell you when you're older.

I had a dream last night that I logged on and my followers had dropped to 73 because I posted about poo. (Yeah, I know, my world is small.) Thank you for not making that dream a reality. Now, I will talk about sex. I'm sure you're all very pleased.

Did you know that NZ women are the world's most promiscuous, with 20.4 sexual partners each? (Not all at the same time.*) I would say the figures are skewed by the occasional high performer but they didn't even survey me.

*alternate punchline: Not counting sheep.

Kink shrink I mean sexual psychologist** Robyn Salisbury feels this is a reaction to being hurt in relationships. Does this mean that kiwi men are the biggest wankers in the world? (Figurative wankers - there is no need for actual wanking when the women are so slutty. (Christine, if you're reading this at work, I'm sorry. It's probably not appropriate.)) Maybe it is a VICIOUS CYCLE OF HEARTBREAK (and casual sex).

Ms Salisbury also links the rise in random shagging back to internet dating, which I'm totally not in a position to argue with, but did you know speed dating was invented by rabbis to save time finding a potential partner? Are we slutty because of rabbis? Are rabbis slutty? Is that why it is spelt so like rabbits? Oh my God, someone call Dan Brown.

**Sexual psychologists bother me - I think they are all a bit pervy. This is because if I was to become a sexual psychologist it would be to hear about people's weird sex things. Also their advice (not that I read that column) always seems to be "communicate with your partner" and "rediscover intimacy" and all that kind of time-consuming crap. She also says, "Pornography is the cocaine of the sex world," but surely cocaine is the cocaine of the sex world? You don't snort pornography off a hooker's ass. As far as I'm aware.


Helga said...

Life Experience in Perversity-I once worked on one of those 0800 wank me kind of phone lines in London.Due to that experience,I am convinced that the Scots and the Jews(probably the randy Rabbi(t)'s) are the perviest people in the world.The ultimate call was,upon answering the phone,a gruss Scots voice(male)said "I've got a hairbruch up my arse".....I was momentarily speechless.Then I asked "Which end?",as you would,and he hung up me.PERVERT!!!!Just thought I'd share that scarring experience.

Helga said...

Sorry,that was meant to be "gruff",not gruss.And "hairbrush",not hairbruch.See,I'm so scarred I can no longer spell.

Posie Patchwork said...

Oh i thought Helga was saying "Hairbruch" to fit with a strong Scottish accent!!??
Seeing i was a child bride, i am clearly clueless to such statistics or experience. I have bred like a rabbit though. Love Posie

Judearoo said...

What an interesting NZ fact; you should have that put on your passports.

Helga's comment didnt have make me giggle! :D

Tooting Squared said...

I just googled to see what British women are best at (I'm sure we used to be sluttiest, but if you kids want to take the baton on that one ...)

Apparently 28% of us poach our men. I assume that means, like, steal from someone else, rather than simmer over a low heat ...

om said...

I wonder what Aussies have up their.... sleeve?

apple cheeked, potato shaped girl said...

Who are we all sleeping with?

Is this like the polls that say straight men have more sex than straight women?

Maybe men in that survey counted whores but they didn't count clients.

it might be best to keep "poo" blogs to a minimum, as funny as the word is, I deeply regretted checking the "email follow up comments box"

IT IS ALLY said...

Helga - How did you get into that job? It sounds interesting. Also, your question was completely reasonable. I probably would have just said, "I hope it's your hairbrush."

Posie - I would say perhaps you have bred like a rabbi, but am not sure if they're allowed?

Jude - we should! I might! Are you allowed to add things to your passport?

Tooting - You poach yours, we have ours over easy! Tee hee.

om - ahahaha. I shudder to think.

kat - oh, come on. There were some pretty good comments in there.

apple cheeked, potato shaped girl said...

it's not the qualitiy of the comments it's just because i'm on the computer all day i check my email often so was constantly seeing poo related comment... just a little too much lol

otherworldlyone said...

I wonder if your half hookups count as .5 or .3 or .what have you. I'll be doing math all day. I hate math.

"Someone call Dan Brown..." BWAHAHAHA!

Christine said...

ha ha... I am reading at work. And it is totally not appropriate. But then, it's not really appropriate for me to read blogs at work in general so...
I will hold back from googling "how slutty are Canadian women" at work though. Even though I'm dying to know.

wv = phons (will anyone laugh if I make a Happy Days reference? anyone? no? ok.)

Rachel said...

I heard that sex statistic when I was studying abroad in Dunedin, and I just wondered what men all the women were sleeping with, since the average for men is much, much lower. Hmmm... foreigners?