*Better than I do? Probably. Would you give a zombie a company car? Probably not.
Can you have living proof of zombies? If not, what kind of proof can you have? (It came up while we were discussing Easter.) Also, why is the singular form of zombies not 'zomby'? Like, you know, babies. Zombie babie.
Anyway, over the next short while I will be embarking on a project called Learn To Drive In Three Weeks (Because You Rashly Applied For A Job Requiring You To Drive A Company Car Which You Are Totally Going To Drive Into The Sea By Accident Probably While It Has A Client In.) Well. A job where it would be advantageous to be able to drive a company car which you are totally going to etc.
Won't you join me on this journey? (I haven't actually got the job yet, by the way, but I really want it - the second interview is tomorrow & they asked 'what the turnaround would be' (yeah, it's that kind of a job) on licence and I said WITHIN A MONTH because I was over-excited and now I totally have to learn to drive and they probably aren't even going to hire me anyway because there might be some grown-ups applying. But at least it means I'll actually get around to getting my licence (I've never needed it until now so I've just not bothered). Driving is kind of terrifying in that I'm in charge of a huge chunk of deadly metal but then again I know some pretty fucking stupid people who drive just fine so I'm sure I can manage even though I have to learn to drive the kind with gears because that's what the company 'fleet' is OH GOD I'm going to stall in the middle of road in rush hour and everyone is going to shout at me and throw things and then I will get fired for giving people the finger from the heavily-logo-emblazoned-for-easy-brand-recognition company car.)
I am exaggerating. It's not so bad, I can kind of drive. If you broke your leg I would drive you to hospital and we would probably not hit anything, but you might bleed out because we'd be going about 20ks.
Mind you there is a pretty high chance that I will not get the job and have to revert to my old life plan (marry rich, divorce fast, move cities, repeat) but let's see. If anyone has any driving tips, now would be an excellent time. They'll come in handy when I'm skipping town anyway.
If anyone thinks I am a douchebag for trying to learn to drive in three weeks then thank you for your opinion which coincidentally I can't hear because I am too busy learning to drive super fast and inviting John Mayer and Mel Gibson and maybe even BONO to form a douchebag convoy, and then and we are going to drive past your house in our company cars and give you the FINGER.
In other news, I have had HEAPS of cold & flu medication today. Hands up if you can tell.