I think the next big thing is going to be hipsters wearing entire rolls of packing tape as bracelets. It's kind of retro and practical but at the same time super impractical. Hipsters love that shit (see also: glasses without the glass in, leggings as trousers*, headbands.) In two weeks' time the streets will be crammed with fluoro-toned kids wearing packing tape bangles and shouting about how legit they are.
*THEY AREN'T TROUSERS
I start my new job tomorrow! Man, I am so far from feeling ! about it. More like ?!??! which is a sort of panicked screech because I have a Terrible Fear that I will be completely unable to do the job, and then I will have to quit and move cities because the shame would be too great and also because someone would shout "You'll never work in this town again!" and the stain would carry on down the generations and etc.
I'm sure that the job will actually be fine but it has been a pretty fraught couple of weeks and right now I am kind of like a gibbon, HOOT HOOT HOOT SCREECH DRINK. (Gibbons drink heavily. In the wild.) Wish me some luck. If only to cancel out the Brethren people at the supermarket who gave me huge evils because I said Fuck why are there so many types of Cracker? and also because (it turned out later) my fly was down. Exposing my GO OZZIE GO underpants. Wow. Is there no area of good taste that I don't offend? Brace yourselves, new clients. Brace yourselves for Gibbon Me.
MORE VODKA! THESE VAMPIRE TEETH ARE RIDICULOUSLY UNCOMFORTABLE. THIS IS A TERRIBLE PARTY