Sunday, April 18, 2010

499 problems

this is my 499th post. that's quite a lot isn't it.

I think the next big thing is going to be hipsters wearing entire rolls of packing tape as bracelets. It's kind of retro and practical but at the same time super impractical. Hipsters love that shit (see also: glasses without the glass in, leggings as trousers*, headbands.) In two weeks' time the streets will be crammed with fluoro-toned kids wearing packing tape bangles and shouting about how legit they are.

*THEY AREN'T TROUSERS

I start my new job tomorrow! Man, I am so far from feeling ! about it. More like ?!??! which is a sort of panicked screech because I have a Terrible Fear that I will be completely unable to do the job, and then I will have to quit and move cities because the shame would be too great and also because someone would shout "You'll never work in this town again!" and the stain would carry on down the generations and etc.

I'm sure that the job will actually be fine but it has been a pretty fraught couple of weeks and right now I am kind of like a gibbon, HOOT HOOT HOOT SCREECH DRINK. (Gibbons drink heavily. In the wild.) Wish me some luck. If only to cancel out the Brethren people at the supermarket who gave me huge evils because I said Fuck why are there so many types of Cracker? and also because (it turned out later) my fly was down. Exposing my GO OZZIE GO underpants. Wow. Is there no area of good taste that I don't offend? Brace yourselves, new clients. Brace yourselves for Gibbon Me.

MORE VODKA! THESE VAMPIRE TEETH ARE RIDICULOUSLY UNCOMFORTABLE. THIS IS A TERRIBLE PARTY

4 comments:

Posie Patchwork said...

Good luck at your new jobbie, i'm terrified of Gibbons, well monkey type primates, they are going to take over the world you know!! Love Posie

a cat of impossible colour said...

You will be great! By tonight you will be surfing on a wave of new-job euphoria. Good luck!

Michelle said...

Am loving the picture of you! Nice teeth!

Hope the job goes well - I think you'll be great at it. Just make sure you take your vampire fangs out and don't wear your leggings as pants. Although its probably too late for that sort of quality advice now, being 8.03 am and all.

And by the way - thank you for saving me from being upsold on a classifieds ad in my local paper last week.... The lady on the phone was very smooth, and almost had me paying $15 for an ad I was email-quoted $5 for... "No one will come to your garage sale if they don't know you're having books and toys and clothes. You really should leave that in the ad" - I remembered your ranting about having to upsell on death notice ads, and so I told her NO.

wv: brusen: Ally to (potential) customers, "If yo' don't advertise in my paper, yo, I gonna give yo' a brusen wit my angry monkey ass"

otherworldlyone said...

Good luck!