PHOTOESSAY: Melbourne (not the Zoo)

Apologies in advance for not having taken better photos. Trip was much more interesting than photos suggest.
My sister Kate is pretty camera-shy and also wary of Internet stalkers (that's you guys), so that's why there aren't any of her. She was there.

This is what my tray table on the flight looked like. When I took this photo I was convinced that everyone would want to know what my tray table on the flight looked like. But now I am not so sure. The drawing is a map for Kate, to show her why we needed to fly across NZ (she thought Christchurch was on the other side of the island. She also asked if Australia had different TV channels. We share so many genes, it is terrifying.)

Some of the photos are more interesting than that. This one isn't, though! This one is the obligatory plane-window shot. I had the window seat on the way over and Kate had it on the way back, so it was fair (even though on the way back it was dark and Kate saw nothing - when you book the tickets you get to choose. That is just how it works.)

On the flight over, I 'saw Australia' 5 times.
"Kate! Look! I see Australia!"
"Are you sure that's not a cloud?"
"No! It's Austra- oh, no, you're right, that's a cloud."

Then we got to the hotel and I bought a trendy watch (did you know it is the fashion capital)

because neither of us had brought our cellphones and did not know what time it was.

Then we went to St Paul's Cathedral, which was picturesque -

I am also picturesque.

The cathedral featured some holy masking tape which Kate said it would be disrespectful to take a photo of but I took one anyway, here it is (verily, this is the Tape which is Chosen:)

And then I lit a candle and Kate bought a souvenir and we went outside again.

At some point we went to a park

where the trees wear pants -

and had a photo with some statues of, um, settlers? Probably not.
I have no idea who these people are, but they looked pretty friendly -

I could be posing with anyone.

A passerby had picked some flowers from the gardens and thrust them into the statues' hands, which was nice even if not entirely environmentally friendly (can something ever truly be both?)

In the evening we went for dinner in Chinatown (on the first day; on the second day we went to a lovely Italian restaurant but one of us (me) forgot to bring the camera so you'll just have to imagine it, no wait I'll draw you a picture:)

It was like that but better drawn and we had arms and were wearing clothes. But apart from that, identical. Also the dinner we had at the Orchid Garden would look the same but replace "pasta" with "lemon chicken".

Anyway, back to Chinatown:

I'm not sure if you can see that so well, but it says GINGERBOY, which is a great name for anything except maybe your son.

I was quite taken with the Chinese lions, which I originally mistyped as loins. In this photo it should look like I'm riding the lion, but it doesn't.
Just pretend the effect worked.



RIDING THE LIONNNN

I'm roaring. Obviously.
Also, I didn't notice this before, but does that lion have nipples?

Also in Chinatown I bought a nice hat (it has a long ponytail attached but you can't tell because it's the same colour as my jacket. Whoops. Also I look spaced out because I am tired, not because of opium den, where you are not allowed to take your camera (I'll draw you a picture.))

(also my nose is not usually that big. I dislike photos.)

Also I bought a Zippo that transforms into a tiny car!

No it doesn't. But it should.

I did also buy a lot of work clothes - woo corporate wardrobe woo - and Useful Things. And a pair of underpants with the Australian flag on them. They say GO OZZIE GO and I am going to wear them next time I attempt to seduce an Australian. Or someone called Ozzie. Or both.

Here is a final shot of Chinatown -

Next up, zoo photos!