Having reread that paragraph, I'm not entirely sure why I'm sharing this with you. (It's probably because I want sympathy, and also it's the middle of the night and I can't think of anything else to talk about.)
Sorry to paint a picture of me in bed all sweaty and screaming, I'm aware that might put some of you off topic. Probably I shouldn't have mentioned porn. And anyway, it wouldn't be like that, for a start I'm not a screamer and more importantly I would be panicked and gross and terrified of a vampire baby*. And that's just not romantic!
*it steals my passport and then it waits in the wardrobe and then it SWOOPS DOWN ON M- cue wake up. I am aware that this is ridiculous but I didn't want to be all "hey listen to my more disturbing nightmares" because then you'd all stop reading. Actually, you probably wouldn't. You voyeurs, you. You naughty, naughty readers. Stop it. I am so damn sleep-deprived and tempted to become a dominatrix; apparently it's quite good money but I guess you need to sink a bit of capital into setting up your dungeon.
Does anyone else over the age of 12 get nightmares? Anyone? Please don't let me be alone. Hold me.
Moving on, does anyone have any suggestions for getting rid of nighmares? If it worked on your child it could well work on me. We are probably not so different, except for the porn thing, and the dominatrix thing but I was kidding about that.* And I would like to stop having nightmares, because they make me tired and when I am tired I write not so good blogs - this is a prime example - so really it's in your own best interests to fix this.
*at least until my financial position changes
Also, thank you for listening to my whinge.
I know it is boring when bloggers whinge.
And now, to balance that out, something heartwarming: today, I took an escort ad which was ANZAC day themed (ANZAC being our war remembrance day. Commemoration day? You know the one). Not only did the massage parlour offer specials for returned servicemen, but they invited current members of the armed forces to "stand to attention" with the girls. Everyone's supporting the troops. With their-
AND THEN THE VAMPIRE BABY SWOOPS DOWN