Unclassifieds

Learnt this morning that if you sleep in enough mascara, you can wake up with one giant eyelash. Mmm. Gummy.

I was pretty funny at work this morning - someone was going on about cold & flu meds and how they can be used to make Drugs, and colleague held up a box of Panadol and asked, "Could you make P out of this!" "I can make P," I shouted, "out of water!!" Fuck I laughed hard.

Today was my very last day in Classifieds! (My old boss bargained with my new boss, so for the last couple of weeks I've been doing three days at new job and two days at old.) I made an ad for a Fadge Holder. Even though it was in the Farm Machinery section, I was pretty afraid to google it without some egging on. The picture at the top of the post is a Fadge Holder.

Here are some other ads I made:

- Two ads for the same guy - one of them in Escorts (slim male model tantric massage (wink wink*)) and one in... Psychics! (Past. Present. Future. Now. Wink wink.) I wonder whether or not being psychic would make you better in bed? Probably. But it could be pretty depressing if you were sleeping with someone and they were thinking about Megan Fox or Justin Bieber or something. "Baby, baby, baby, oh." God damn it. I know what's going to be stuck in my head next time. But that will still be an improvement on Sex Bomb.

*wink wink my addition. Wink is a really weird word

- An engagement notice placed by the mother of the bride-to-be - "Would you like to have a picture?" I asked. "No," she said, "I'll read you the note my daughter has written. No gay love hearts or crappy birds."

- An employment ad for a plasterer: ideal candidate must have "own tools, transport, and stilts." Employer details: CLOWN PLASTERING & CO.

- A property ad for a "3 bdrm house, sunny and spacious, with expansive garden setting and feature tree." Honey, we simply must take this one, look at that feature tree!

- A property ad where the main selling point appeared to be 'primary school on your back doorstep.' Is this targeted at young families, or at pedophiles? Only the agent knows.

No more classifieds for me, ever! But if anyone needs their fadge held I'm your woman.