It was a story about a woman who found a demonic face in a can of pears.
Demonic Pear Face (terrible band name) has captured the imagination of what is apparently a pretty bored nation. Seriously, this thing is beating a school stabbing, a missing person, and an eight-yolk egg in the ratings. (Pun about egg beating unintentional but pleasing.)
The question is begged: is this merely the childish (but awesome) prank of a bored Chinese canning factory worker, or are more sinister forces at work? Could this be the satanic equivalent of seeing Jesus on your crumpet? (Crumpet in the breakfast-muffin sense. Jesus has standards.) Is the Dark Lord among us? Are you meant to call the Devil the Dark Lord, or is that Voldemort? I quite honestly can't remember. Maybe it's both.
Actually, pear does not look unlike Voldemort. I have just realised what no-one else has: this is all just a huge (and highly successful) marketing ploy for the release of the next Harry Potter movie!
Tomorrow: boutique elephant breeding revolutionises life for the blind. Don't adjust your dial.