Sunday, May 16, 2010


So inspirational it needs CAPSLOCK!!

p.s. all of the the fish names in this post are actual fish. I did some researchin' and it turns out that not only are there a whole shitload more fish in the sea than you would think, some of them are called completely crazy things, just like bees.

I have accidentally read a lot of inspirational blogging this week (the moral of the story is don't click through on links from gung-ho Americans) so I have decided to try it for myself, based on this chap's tattoo.

Today, readers, you should BECOME YOUR DREAM FISH.

Embrace the swordfish or catfish or guitarfish you've always wanted to be.
Hell, be the groper. Be the wahoo. Be the yellow tang.


Be the spadefish, or crappie, or slimehead! Be the aholehole!

People, become your dream fish! Be the sea chub! Or, be the chubsucker!

Be the sucker, the swallower, the german ram!! Fish are dirty.

Except Peter's elephantnose fish, which is not open to misinterpretation at all.

But, on another note, don't be the bandfish and don't be the rock bass. That is not your dream fish. At the moment it seems like everyone I know is starting a band and while I don't like to shit all over their youthful enthusiasm, especially slap bang in the middle of my inspirational blogging, I kind of am because it is becoming really hard to muster up any enthusiasm for whatever slimepunk, post-tribal beatz are being vomited out of the recesses of yet another friend's underdeveloped cortex cerebellum whatever part of the brain it is that makes music (thanks for nothing Wikipedia.) My stock phrase now is, "Oh, that sounds really interesting."

"You're going to do hard house, grindcore rhythms with a post-punk influence and minimalist instrumentation? Oh, that sounds really interesting."

"You're going to run the dialogue from Avatar backwards, over acoustic, instrumental AQUA covers? Oh, that sounds really interesting."

"You're going to incorporate metal riffs with Faulknerian melodies? Wow, that sounds really interesting."

"You're going to sit on an accordion wh- oh, for authenticity? Wow, that sounds really interesting."

"You're going to record yourself fucking a piano? Oh, that sounds really interesting."

Actually, that last one kind of does sound interesting. If anyone finds a recording of that, let me know and I'll play it to my wankery music friends without telling them what it is, then see what they think. "Wow, it's just so... the combination of that almost Baroque stringwork, presented so disjointedly, and the primitive grunting - good God, who is this? Who did they study under? My God."

Right back to the inspirational blogging. You know what is inspiring? This guy. He isn't wasting his time starting a bad band, he is making pancakes. Pancakes in the shape of penguins and turtles and giraffes and a mother-fucking functioning Ferris Wheel. Go and look. He is BECOME HIS DREAM. And what a dream it is.


Anonymous said...

Those pancakes are so cool. Who could eat those? I can only make roses out of cupcakes and even those look strange.
I have Neon fish! But I'd love to be a Wahoo. Sounds awesome. I won't google it because I'm definitely disappointed when I see how a Wahoo looks like.

Mrs. L said...

So is a "groper" fish as big as a grouper? Only maybe with one of those hangy things to attract bait for groping?

Way to segue from fish to pancakes btw -- brilliant!!!!

Phil said...

Way cool pancakes - but would you really eat the green ones??

Amie said...

I'm obsessed with fun-shaped pancakes. Not sure on the colored ones, as we all know food coloring stains your poo eventually, but they're still awesome. That guy is a bit more talented than, but I appreciate the blog guy more because he has instructions. In case I ever feel artsy. Unlikely.

Anyway, love.

otherworldlyone said...

Neato pancakes.

A German ram...

I think I've had one of those before.