Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Work Talk

Work is officially driving me mad - sat at my desk this morning staring blankly at a deadline, waiting for a client to call back and approve an ad, clutching my coffee cup and sipping and saying, "Nice. Nice, nice. Nice, nice nice" vaguely to myself because the coffee was nice, and it didn't occur to me how mad this was until a colleague looked over and said, "Who are you talking to?"

"My...my coffee is nice." I have flipped my lid.

Today, I did the bad thing (not that bad thing. I wish) - I gave someone the finger from the work car. It wasn't a branded one (car, not finger) so they wouldn't have known, but the gesture was so automatic that I'm pretty sure it would've happened even if I'd been in the orange-and-blue car. (For those who are interested, I was driving a crummy Toyota Echo and stalled at the lights and the wanker in the car next to me said something rude. Wanker because he said something rude, not because he was actually wanking, at least I don't think he was. I didn't look, I just gave them the finger and stalled again. Haughtily though. Like, "I choose to stall.")

Then I drove out to Sumner with the window down and the radio up* and saw three clients then sat in the sun with a coffee TO DEBRIEF WITH MYSELF. And thought about how nice it is that I get paid to do all of those things, even stall.

*I am that person who pulls up next to you at the lights in a dinky little car and rocks the fuck out.

At the moment work involves a) client management and b) a lot of cold calling and c) putting together a new feature to highlight businesses in Christchurch's port community. If you happen to be reading this from a business in said port community drop me a line, the pricing is very reasonable and I'm a lot more professional in person.

The new feature is going to be ALL MINE , which is nice because it means I can feel special and important but not as nice because it means I have to write the flier for it (and, at some point, actually sell the ads). The feature does not have a name yet (although my boss quite earnestly suggested "Through the Porthole," and gave everyone the giggles), but it does have sentences like "Our top quality photography, design and print teams work hard to bring our readers and advertisers the best product in the market." Because I couldn't say "This paper is jaw-droppingly awesome and if you don't advertise in it you're a fucking retard."

So that's what I'm doing at the moment. I know. It's exciting. And nice. Nice, nice nice nice nice nice.


chris.dadness said...

I would like to take out an ad for that restaurant in an old bank building in Lyttleton - (is that the port? It has boats, so I guess.) My ad would say


But I can old pay you with Australian dodecahedral 50¢ pieces. Is that OK?

Phil said...

you arwe very funny. Gid bliss yu


Captin Abel Lollapalooza (Nigeria)

Da said...


uglygirl said...

I think that it is quite dangerous for someone to be wanking whilst driving. Even when driving an automatic. I think it should definitely void their automotive accident insurance. Or their should be a "wanking premium" for those who choose to wank at the wheel.

IT IS ALLY said...

Chris - I don't care what you pay me with, that is a problem for the Accounts department :D Sure you can place the ad. You realise this is as good as a contract, right?

Phil - Thank you Captin Abel. I don't suppose you are a Prince? In financial stress? I can help with that sort of thing.


uglygirl - Apparently that's actually a thing, wanking while driving. I am not kidding. I looked it up because I suspected it might be more common than you'd think and yep, it is. Sometimes I wish there was no Google, or that I was less curious.

otherworldlyone said...

All in all it sounds quite fun to me. And if the coffee is nice, so much the better!

Wanking while driving will be an olympic sport in less than 20 years. Mark my words.

Josh said...

ahhh your font got smaller and I don't have my glasses on! I had to use the zoom button!