Wednesday, May 05, 2010


After guest posting at V's my followers have shot up overnight, like new spring bulbs or a vampire junkie. So I need something to do, and this seems to be doing the rounds of the blogosphere* at the moment. Sadly all the questions were a bit shit so I changed them.

*Sometimes when I used the word 'blogosphere' I feel like a bit of a dick.

3 names I go by…
3 ways to rob a bank
1. Hold up with gun.
2. Tunnel in and blow safe.
3. Join the Fire Department, complete training, and gain the trust and respect of your colleagues. By this stage, the person you installed in the bank some years earlier has risen to a position of relative responsibility, and has the codes to the safe. One morning they burn their toast, the fire alarm goes off, the building is evacuated while they are holed up in the bathroom, the fire service (you) arrives and somehow, in all the confusion, a whole stack of bills just goes missing. Seriously? This is such a good plan. And now I can never do it because I told you about it. You can do it, though. You can do it and give me 20%, like when they make a new American Idol and they guy who thought of it gets some money because it was his genius idea. This is just like that.

3 jobs I have had… 3 nasty habits I had as a child
1. Eating bogies. Boogers. Snot. I'm pretty sure we all did this as children and if not, well, I guess I'm a little embarrassed.
2. Tearing the corners off pages in books and eating them, after jamming the gummed paper in between my teeth until every tooth-gap was full.
3. Eating toenail clippings. Only mine, though, not other people's, that would be disgusting.

3 places I have lived… 3 words that I feel like a dick when I use
1. Blogosphere
2. Action, as a verb
3. Legit - I am trying to train myself out of this but it isn't working. I started saying it as a joke and now it have become part of my everyday vocab, which has happened before and did not end well (the word was 'bonza' and it took fucking months for me to stop saying it.)
4. Wack (No. 4 because I actually never say this because I hate it so fucking much. I think because I used to know someone who was constantly "That is wack!" and they really were a dick. But also because it's super, super tryhard.)

3 favorite drinks… 3 types of alcohol I only drink as a last resort
1. Bourbon. It's the sweet aftertaste. There is something horribly wrong about bourbon, I think if it was a person it would be a pervert (that I sometimes hook up with anyway when there's no better option).
2. Rum. Whenever I drink rum I have a fucking fantastic night and then wake up in the morning hungover unto death and so, so, sorry. For everything.
3. Jagermeister. It is so gross. It tastes like liquid compost. Tastes like herbal cough medicine. Tastes like kissing someone's neck right after they apply perfume. Tastes like German sounds. Ewww, Jagermeister.

3 TV shows I watch… 3 types of porn which confuse me
1. Eel
2. Foot
3. Family Guy

3 places I have been… 3 lies I like to tell when I'm drunk
1. Don't worry, I can afford it!
2. It's ok, I don't start work until late tomorrow!
3. Of course I love you!

3 places I would like to visit… 3 canoe-related pieces of advice
1. Love many, trust in few, but always paddle your own canoe.
2. Wherever there is a channel for water, there is a road for the canoe.
3. You can't have your kayak and heat it.

3 fave retro TV shows… 3 ways to leave your lover
1. Tactfully
2. Cruelly
3. Naked and duct taped

3 fave dishes… Actually this question is fine.
1. Cup
2. Plate
3. Platter

3 things I'm looking forward to… 3 things I can't be mature about
1. Relationships
2. Any fruit bowl containing 2 oranges and a banana
3. The word 'manhole'

If anyone would like to tag themselves in this they are welcome - let me know if you do, especially if you use my categories which I would recommend as they are both more entertaining and informative than the original ones. And if you never found the word 'manhole' hilariously disturbing before well you're welcome.


Veronica said...

Chuckle, Chuckle, Chuckle... that was awesome!

I didn't eat bogies, but I did eat dirt, and cat food apparently.

I saw Squid/Octopus porn once at a party. I don't think I'll ever be the same again.

uglygirl said...

Eel porn? Know any good sites?

I think there are many better alternatives to "blogosphere". What about "blogworld" (sounds like a dodgy theme park), "planet blog", "bloggiverse", "blogtopia"...there are probably some good alternatives out there. I just haven't thought of them.

otherworldlyone said...

I ususally use 'blogland'.

Toenail clippings. *gag*

And 'manhole' NEVER fails to make me giggle.

Bored@Work said...

You are fucking hilarious.

That is all.

Helga! said...

I ate cat biscuits.And I am tremendoulsy interested in seeing dwarf porn.

chris.dadness said...

"Wack" is OK as long as you say "wickety wickety wickety" first like Flav.

TC said...

How did I miss the comedic gold of the word manhole??!?

I remember when I started following you and you had only 23 followers and I was SHOCKED the people of the blogosphere (yeah, I feel a bit douchebaggy using it) weren't reading you! This is better.

a cat of impossible colour said...


a cat of impossible colour said...

I am totally going to do this.

inflammatory writ said...

I totally used to eat my boogers AND tear the corners off the bottom of books and eat them. For years, I have thought I was the only person who was THAT gross, but your toenail clippings snack sort of defeats me. Well played!

Tooting Squared said...

He he he!


He he!

April said...

3 Things I Think You Should Know...

1. I used to do the exact same thing with paper

2. The best porn is Green Porno. If you're not familiar with this, please familiarize yourself (hee hee. That sounds dirty).

3. I never thought "manhole" was a dirty word. Now I totally do. Thank you.

IT IS ALLY said...

Veronica - I ate dirt, too! Dirt was delicious back in the day. SO fudgy.

uglygirl - Googling 'genki' will get you everywhere you need to go. In the eel porn world.

ow1 - Blogland is quite good. Blogtown also not bad

B@W - Thank you!

Helga - I have actually never seen dwarf porn. That surprises me. And it is bad that is does.

chris - Dude, that is NEVER ok.

TC - And now you can say you liked me before I was famous!

your version was awesome!

writ - Am so glad someone else did that with the books! Not glad for the books though.

Tooting - "Manhole Cover" is good too. Good band name. Or rape shield. Or, you know, perfectly legitimate piece of construction equipment.

April - I am going to look up Green Porn the second I am no longer on a work computer.