Monday, May 03, 2010

Three Misfortunes

1. When I came out from band tonight, some fucking tosspot had tried to break into my car! I mean Mum's car. They hadn't got in, thank God, but they'd completely ruined the locks - ripped the metal trying to get in and made it impossible for me to open the door. I stood there for about five minutes trying the key, thinking, "Am I just being super retarded about this?" but I wasn't, it was the work of retards other than myself. Luckily one of the third cornet players is with the AA (thanks, Sharon!) and waited until they got there. What a shitty thing for someone to do. I hope- I just deleted a paragraph here where I talked about what I hoped would happen to them because it would have made you feel weird about me. I hope bad things happen to them. Was the gist of it.

2. I keep having weird sex dreams about band people and then when I see them at band it is awkward because oh my God we slept together. And then it gets more awkward because they don't know we slept together and then they wonder why I am being so weird. And it's not like I can tell them, "Oh, I'm avoiding eye contact because last time we made eye contact we were both naked. In my imagination." Also, they are band people with small instruments. Where are you going with this, subconscious?

3. Still can't think of costume for song title party - I know that's not really a misfortune but 'Two Misfortunes and a Bothersome Spot of Indecision' wasn't such a good title. Here are my thoughts so far:

99 Red Balloons - High-impact, but 99 is a lot of balloons to blow up. Even though I would only use about 20, that is still a lot. I would run out of puff.

Drunk and Fucked Up - This is a pretty good suggestion because no more effort than usual would be required.

Dead Drunk and Naked - No-one seems to know if this is 'dead drunk and naked' or 'dead, drunk and naked.' One would be a good way to end a party. The other would not. Punctuation is important, kids.

Love Is A Battlefield - Lingerie and guns. Classic combination.

Blue Moon - Paint arse blue, take pants off from time to time. Upside: surprising for other guests. Downside: progressively less surprising as the night wears on; also slightly crass.

Circus - Some kind of ringmaster/showgirl on elephant (elephant is imaginary) outfit. This would actually be a pretty ok idea if it didn't get that Britney song stuck in my head every time I think of it.

Come On Eileen - All I would need is a nametag that said 'Eileen'! But it probably isn't that sort of party.

Desperado - Not bad idea, except mustache would fall in drink and also would lose cowboy hat at some point in the evening and have to pay large amounts of money to the costume hire place.

Running Bear - Streak through party. Then leave.

Yellow Submarine - Impressive! But also time-consuming and cumbersome. See also: Combine Harvester.

Sex Bomb - Good idea. But, as I wouldn't have to dress up, not really in the spirit of things.

Away In A Manger - Be somewhere else. In a manger.


jo said...

Ok I have some thoughts! I think this is an awesome idea for a party, by the way...

1) Paint yourself in tomato sauce and be The Ketchup Song.

2) Go as a paedophile (The Bad Touch)

3) Heinously clashing clothes (Colourblind)

4) Get hold of some kind of skanky sari / other Indian garb and be Jai Ho. Hahahaha please do this!

and my personal favourite, which means you probably wouldn't be invited to any more parties for a while... I Touch Myself.

otherworldlyone said...

You should have left in that paragraph. Now I'm wondering how sick the things you wanted to happen to them were. My imagination should not be allowed to run amok.

I vote for Love Is A Battlefield. Or Jo's suggestion: Go as a paedophile (The Bad Touch).

MeredithDuck said...

Hey there! Just came across your blog from *uncorked!

Who ever said the 99 red balloons have to be inflated?

IT IS ALLY said...

Hahahaha, Jai Ho is a great idea. As is The Bad Touch but parties are tricky things, you never know how far you can take the ol' pedo jokes. Maybe not that far? Then again, only one way to find out.

Meredith - Hi! Not a bad idea - could make a little shift dress out of balloons. Would either look a bit odd or completely awesome. Probably a bit odd. Only one way to find out.

otherworldlyone said...

Ever seen those pictures of the dresses made out of condoms for charity? I imagine that's what the deflated 99 balloon outfit would look a bit like.

That idea wasn't one of my favorites yet has now risen slightly in the ranks.

Phil said...

Yeah - sex dreams with acquaintances are weird.

I reckon there should be a social dream networking site where everyone lets other people know if they've had a dream about them.

Wouldn't it be spooky if your small instrument musos had dreamed they shgged you the same night you dremed youshegged them!!