I drove my manager's car today.
Driving the manager's car is kind of what I imagine having sex with a pornstar would be like: awesome in theory, but not really that great in practice because you spend the whole time trying really hard not to fuck it up and crash into a tree. (What? It could happen.) Also the pornstar is really hairy and his/her radio presets are all talkback.
There was a big paragraph about that song Carry-Out in here but all it did was ramble and remind me that I meant to make THIS LIST:
Most Ridiculous Lyrics from this week's Top 40
NZ top 40. If any of these lyrics are wrong, I'm sorry, blame Google.
Tinie Tempah - Pass Out
I’m a star and i bought my fucking cast out / I live a very very very wild lifestyle / Heidi and Audrina eat your heart out [...] I got so many clothes i keep’s em in ma aunt's house."
That... that is a pretty wild lifestyle. Once I left some stuff in storage at my Nana's. Does that count? Should I tell Heidi and Audrina? Also, when you say 'bought my cast out' it makes me think that you have a broken arm, maybe from getting in a fight. But I guess probably not a fight because you've only got a tinie tempah. Anyway, do you want me to sign your cast or something? Is that the point? I'm confused.
Katy Perry - California Girls
"Sex on the beach / We get sand in our stilettos."
Seriously? If Katy Perry had ever actually had sex on the beach, she would know that sand in your stilettos is the absolute least of your worries.
Bonus points to Snoop Dogg for "the girl's a freak / She drives a jeep." Snoop just forgot what freaky is. He used to be the king of freaky and now he thinks that driving a Jeep is somehow up there with drinking champagne out of a hooker's never-you-mind. It is sad. Like when all those rockstars went on that silly reality show.
Chiddy Bang - Opposite of Adults
"...it's Chiddy Bang, google me in the images / Follow me, follow me I'm the leader / And when I park cars I don't pay for the meter"
Bro, that is so fucking hardcore. Also you are going to get a chiddy ticket.
"And it's drama so you are Svetlana and I'm just a rhymer / Swimmin' in the water tryin' to dodge the piranhas and fly to Bahamas"
Did he just write down every word that sort of rhymed with drama? Next line should be 'my mama ironed my pajamas Obama's a llama.'
"The rule is, the dude is, so up, so chuck I'm a cool kid"
This doesn't make any sense but it has 'up' and 'chuck' in close succession which is exactly what this song makes me want to do. Opposite of Adults = opposite of 'not shit.'
J Williams feat. Scribe - You Got Me
"Hey baby you got me / Like a bullet shot me / Right through my ventricle / Don't know what I'm meant to do"
I guess that when you know more about basic anatomy than the average rapper it's pretty tempting to just drop a casual ventricle reference in there. Doesn't make the rhyme with 'meant to do' any better, though.
Maybe it cancels out, but either way that's a really weird lyric.
Miley Cyrus - Can't Be Tamed
"I'll tell ya I'm not here to sell ya / Or tell ya to get to hell / I'm like a puzzle but all of my pieces are jagged / If you can understand this, we can make some magic"
I can't understand this. Can anyone understand it?
Alas, there may be no magic for Miley.
Usher feat. Will.i.am - OMG
"honey got a booty like pow, pow, pow / honey got some boobies like wow, oh wow"
Heeee hee, Usher said boobies! Actually, that's pretty controversial. What's next? Jugs? Nungas? Front bum?
Eminem - Not Afraid
"What you think, I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world / Feed it beans, it's gassed up [...] haters can make like bees with no stingers, and drop dead / No more beef flingers"
I like Eminem, but my God he talks some rubbish. Are beef flingers people who 'have beef' with Eminem? Or are they people who come to his shows and literally fling beef at him? Or are they both? Who cares. Feed the world beans.