Tuesday, June 22, 2010


*I didn't really intend for this post to be about incontinence but I saw a ridiculous ad on TV and it just trickled on down from there.

Adverts for women's incontinence pads are ridiculous and getting more so. They used to refer to a "slight bladder weakness," and then they referred to "frequent unexpected wetness" (tee hee hee) but now it's called "light bladder leakage," or the more catchy and politer-for-tv LBL, as in LOLWLBL (laughing out loud whoops light bladder leakage). First of all, leakage is kind of an icky word but second of all, what's wrong with just being honest? They could say: "Ladies, if sometimes a little bit of wee comes out by accident, that's ok. Wear our product and, except for the split-second look of horror on your face, no-one ever has to know." Truth in advertising, people.

Although I am not prone to LBL except for that one time when I was super drunk and didn't get my tights off fast enough, I checked out the website. It was pretty interesting:

"Chester C. Wilmot, MD discusses the different triggers that can cause women to leak urine and how they can overcome these triggers."
"I just can't explain it, doctor, but every time I get into a lift I experience a slight bladder weakness." And then you eventually trace it back to a childhood incident where you got stuck in a wardrobe and eventually urinated on your mother's best suede shoes and OH GOD IT'S ALL COMING BA- pssssss!

"At least 96 percent of women with stress incontinence can have their problem cured." Stress incontinence sounds like something that happens when you fail to contain your nervous wee. It probably isn't.

"Have a towel close by to use as needed---why not consider getting something colorful and fun, or whimsical to use?" -response to a question about LBL during sex. "Oh, sorry darling, there goes my LBL again! Quick, hand me the Hannah Montana Beach Fun! wrap."

"Most people probably think of restroom trips as an inconvenience. But this process enables your body to rid itself of waste products."
This... wait, what? Is this news to some people?
What did they think going to the bathroom was for?

There's also a blog, presumably run by someone who never fails to kill the 'so what do you do' line of conversation; a regularly updated blog, all about incontinence I mean light bladder leakage. Aren't you glad my blog isn't about light bladder leakage?* The first post starts "There are moments in life when opportunity falls right in your lap." Let's hope it doesn't fall on the bladder part of your lap, because we all know what happens then.

*Usually, I mean. Today is an exception.


otherworldlyone said...

Hahaha. This whole thing was funny, but I always laugh when you say "wee".

You know, my boss has the that same problem...only with her ass. (Pause for gagging)

She once said to me: My pucker reflex is plum puckered out.

And if that isn't the perfect line for an adult diaper advertisement, I don't know what is.

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IT IS ALLY said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
IT IS ALLY said...

Oh, ewww. EEEEW. You're right though, would be an awesome tagline. You could work in the marketing department of an adult diaper company in a heartbeat! And what an exciting job that would be. (New CRAP-INZ now available instore! Etc.)

On the plus side, I now feel less awkward about my boss calling me by his wife's name in a client meeting today. At least he didn't talk about puckering.

Wee is a funny word! So is piddle, I should've snuck that in somewhere.

slommler said...

And why do they have separate pads for this. What is wrong with Kotex pads? Don't they hold moisture? And I have heard of guys and gals getting the diapers for when they go out drinking...just in case!! WTH??
And then there is erectile dysfunction...paaaalllllllllleease!!!
These ads drive me up the wall!

Salty Miss Jill said...

"Incontinence". "Trickled down."

and the word verification here is "poophell" (Really!)

Again, heheheheheheh...

Jade Carver said...

New follwer :) starting giggling shortly into the first paragraph, and couldn't stop!

Personally I think 'wee' is funnier than 'piddle'. But 'tinkle' can be plain ol' hilarious.

My word verification is "suffer"... hmm, ok.

cerebral e said...


1) My friend's boyfriend, Bin*, is from New Zealand and when I first met him my friend said, "Bin, Bin, tell Elissa what you do on your bicycle," and he announced, "I piddle! I piddle on my bicycle."

2) There is a really annoying ad on TV here at the moment, that features a bunch of women sitting around laughing and laughing and laughing (as if they're abusing nitrous oxide), and it turns out they're advertising continence pads. I don't think I'd be laughing about my incontinence. (Not that I'm incontinent. That's just one advantage of being childless.)

3) As mentioned previously, I want to specialise in Geriatrics. I have had to do some Continence Clinics before and they are NOT FUN. There are certain parts of old people's anatomy that I do not like to inspect OR stick my finger into but I guess someone has to do it.

4) My WV is "biazzles". I wish it were poophell.

*It is really Ben but when he orders coffee and they ask for his name, they always seem to write "Bin."

donna said...

One of my friends just had surgery for this. She's a lot happier now...

Michelle said...

funny stuff, Ally! (the post, not the content. I would never laugh at another's misfortune)
but I can't laugh out loud at it in case I wee myself, like the ladies on the ad. Especially the one snorting. I'm afraid that ad makes women look a bit ridiculous!

wv. cythons: alien-incontinence pad hybrids that attack by wrapping their wings around the urethra.

a cat of impossible colour said...

I like to laugh at others' misfortune when it involves wee.

IT IS ALLY said...

SueAnn - that thing about wearing the diapers out drinking is SO GROSS. But I can totally believe that people do it. And I totally know which people they are.

SMJill - Poophell! Hahahahaha! Glad you appreciated the 'trickled down' - I giggled.

Jade - hello, and thank you for following! I haven't said 'tinkle' in ages. Might have to start again. My favourite urination euphemism is "draining the lizard" but unfortunately I will never be able to use it because I do not have a "lizard." :(

cE - AHAHAHAHA I'm totally going to tell that piddle story. You are brave to be sticking your fingers into old people - never know where they've been. Or if they've been. Recently. And not wiped well. Does that come up? No, don't tell me.

Donna - wow! That's good. It will inspire me with hope if I ever become prone to LBL.

Michelle - cythons sound TERRIFYING and also an awesome premise for a B-grade horror. I will give you 10% of the takings.

Andrea - Me too. One of the best kinds of misfortune.

Michelle said...

ten percent?!

think I just weed myself with excitement...